I Panicked

I panicked!
I had too many thoughts,
With too little time,
Which I didn't know at the time.

I panicked! I panicked!
No start time was recorded,
So the call wasn't able to be traced.
It was entirely
MY FAULT.

I wish I had followed my instinct
I wish I had done what I should have done
I mucked up big time!
I wish I didn't screw up the little girl's life.

I panicked! I panicked! I panicked!

Karma

Karma works in a mysterious way. However, in this case, it was just not fair!!!

Arrrh!!!

She shouldn't have had suffered for what her brother had done. She is a lovely girl and he was such a jerk! I was screaming and angry inside, but I couldn't say what I wanted to say out loud because I knew it would have been for the wrong reason. It would have been for me, rather than for her and I would have definitely regretted it. I am glad that I wasn't swayed by my feelings or acted rashly, but still it really irritated me to see her get hurt the way I did.

On the grass, under the tree next by my favourite beach, we shared the most intimacy with each other. We cried, we laughed and we supported each other with all our hearts. Looking at the sea, I admitted that I have been self-harming myself badly mentally. Disclosing my darkest secret completely for the first time wasn't as intimidating as I thought it would have been, because I know that I am no longer feeling lonely in this battle.

- Thank you for being there holding my hand and loving me!

"I could so date you!"

My Best Friend...

My best friend *pause* TV died during the long weekend!!!! I was devastated!!

Instead of having a soulful life, such as reading, cooking or sleeping, I spent the whole day trying to make my computer work, so I can watch DVDs on it. However, lowering the monitor to the ground level, lying on my bean bag, typing keyboard on my lap and using mouse from an awkward position are just a bad combination for a disaster to happen!!

This morning when I got up... *Ouch* I twisted my neck! Great! Just great!!

Oh! For those who are so obsessed with problem solving or have such scientific/logic mind, here are the symptoms and tests that I have run.

Symptoms:
1) The sounding is fine, but the TV screen is twisted horizontally.
2) DVD doesn't work and neither does Video.
3) The TV menu text are shown fine!!

Tests:
a) I have changed the DVD input from channel 2 (at the back of the TV) to channel 3 (at the front of the TV).
b) I have tried re-channel it manually.
c) I have pull off all connections to DVD and video.
d) I have tried rabbit ear antenna.

Diagnosis
" Buy a plasma!" They said.

NOTES:
Due to circumstances, Anita Entertainment Ltd is closed until further noticed. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause. Donation towards further technical investigation/investment is welcome. For further information please contact party hotline, where a friendly representative will be with you as soon as possible. Your call is important to us.

P.S. I think my best friend has Alzheimer because if I tried hard enough, it would remember how to read a DVD. Well, 1 out of 10 chance at the moment. Maybe I am not completely losing my friend. There is still hope!

27/Oct/2006

Randoms Captianing

The battlefield was brutal as usual with my brave Randoms worriers!!

We led 16-12 at halftime, despite Power Rangers liked to pick on the little me! Why can't they pick on someone with their own size?! Or I was just too brave/naive to recall the law of physics - conservation of momentum? When the little bee hit the elephant, the bee will bounce back in the same speed, while the elephant is still stationary. Duh!

However, we fought fearlessly and restlessly! Well done, team!!

Despite the fact we finished with "second" again (we didn't win, but we were second!), we are still just behind the second last team!!! (Yes, the Captain is still in denial :P)

"Are you our Captain?"

"Yes, I am!"

"Shouldn't you be at least 6 ft tall?"

"*^^*. Sorry for letting you down, team!"

Crash (2004)

It was very interesting to see different groups of my friends crashing with each other tonight at Anita Entertainment Ltd. Somehow, I felt I was whole again. That's when I realised the different social patterns I adopt to, when I am with with different social groups. It's not that I put up different personas, but it's just I show different sides of myself more in one group than others.

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

- Crash (2004)

Restless, but Fulfilling Life

The talk I gave in the assembly went really well considering how little sleep I got from the night before. The key message I wanted those young girls to take away isn't how great it is to be an engineer, but they can become anyone they want to be. It's okay to feel lost and don't know what they want to be. I didn't know who I wanted to be and I still don't know even I started a career in transportation. However, I believe that there is no right or wrong choices in life because you always learn things on the way.

I came down to Tauranga right after the school visit, and then went straight to do the travel time survey in the afternoon. In order to compensate my hard work, I treated myself a very nice dinner on the waterfront with lovely wine and sunset (with project budget, of course :P). However, the dessert was really disappointing though. After some happy tipsy phone calls, I went to bed early, because I had to get up at 6am the next day to do another survey. There wasn't too much time relaxing or sightseeing afterward neither, because I had to drive all the way back to Auckland. I was so exhausted that even V (energy drink) didn't work on me and I had to keep punching myself on the face and legs to keep myself awake. I was half-dead when I got back to the office and my colleagues reckoned I should have just gone home. However, I really wanted to go to my transition group, so I ended up having a power nap on my desk after doing my assignment.

If I have learn anything in the last two days, then I learn to be humbler.

I came down to Tauranga with all sort of wrong attitudes. I was feeling superior, even arrogant! First, I was very Auckland orientated and thought how it could be possible that Tauranga would have any traffic problems compared with Auckland?! I was very wrong! Another thing I noticed and feel shameful to admit is that I am getting materialistic. (Damn! The evil corporate world has finally corrupted me!) The reason I came down alone and got a surveyor was that it's cheaper! But it doesn't give me the right to estimate how helpful the surveyor could have been based on her hourly charging rate! She was very insightful and I wouldn't have got out so much from my visit if it wasn't her with all that useful local knowledge and life experience. Not to mention, the best lookout place and the best fish & chip in Tauranga!!!

The more surprised I was at the traffic problem and how knowledgeable the surveyor was, the more shameful I felt.

Rubgy 101

I had my Rubgy101 today at the Corporate Box, Eden Park (Is it too obvious that I am showing off here? I am just a bit too excited about the whole experience with the food...oh and the game, of course(!) :P).

My lesson started with learning how to pronounce Rugby properly (I was pronouncing it as Robbie and ppl thought I was going to see Robbie Williams....:$), following by the difference between Rugby Legend and Union. I was a very good student and was very concentrating on learning all the rules in the first half until they brought out the food....

"Pssss......That is called a TRAIL"
"$^&%$*%#*#"

Ouch!

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up.

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy (2005)

Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy (2005)

Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more. Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy (2005)