It was a wonderful feeling to have something to look forwards after work - to be back home to the loved one.

Oh! TV!

Free

I have been

• TV free;
• Car free - I finally got around and fixed it;
• Cellphone free - I left it in my car with the mechanic;
• Internet free - It just gave up on me for 2 days;
• Bank card free - I left it with my mechanic when I went to picked up my car/cellphone (It was rather embarrassed when I couldn't pay my 1kg of cherry and 3 packs of strawberry at vege shop).
  

They all happened in this week.. Oh well, at least I got free lunch twice this week :P

Lunches

I felt slightly uncomfortable when she brought me her home-made lunch on Monday for real. But I have never expected that her innocent-naive new buddy would go down the same path and let me get my own way - hand-made my lunch too :P I felt really embarrassed about it when he gave me his fresh made sandwiches :$ See, I still have a little bit of conscience (for a little while before the evil eroded me)

I should really stop bullying my colleagues, eh? But I just can't say no to free lunch, can I? :P

So far, we have squeezed a birthday chocolate cake out of another new colleague this Monday, and today I have also successfully extorted a free lunch. Those poor fresh meat better learn their lessons quick because we obviously have no mercy on them :P I have no guilt to be part of these scams and take the initiative to take care/integrate/blackmail those new commers, as long as they leave my buddy alone. :P

My Addiction

I made a pact with the angel, but I broke it during the weekend coz I was too bored. Sometimes, I think I am addicted to the pain. It's the only reason I could think of why I keep doing things that can only hurt myself! Maybe they are right - Because it feels so good when I stop (Gray's Anatomy,2005).

Now, I am cellphoneless again.

Chocolate Fountain! Turkey!!

I got chocolate all over my jacket, but it was all worth it. Mmmm.....Chocolate Fountain!!!! 12 kg of melt chocolate with fruits and marshmallows. Ohhooo.....It was just like heaven!! It is not it!! There is more!!!! With my proud messy chocolate jacket, I then went to my first ever Thanksgiving Dinner. It was sooooo yummmmmm!!!!! The turkey, the pumpkin pie, the paella, the almost-Greek-bread etc etc etc....

It was a glory day for my stomach!!!!

Humour v.s. Insult

I have never been good at giving negative feedback to others because I have always been a people pleaser; nice, they call me. Thus, I tend to bottle up my anger rather than express it. However, this time I found the need to express my feeling truly. Thus, I told them that I wasn't amused and I didn't think those hurtful commons were necessary. I was quite impressed with myself that I decided to do something different this time, because it really brought my colleagues and I closer. (Humm....it may have something to do with me sending those emails at one o'clock in the morning after my X'mas party, but it was the only time I was free. Maybe that's why they took me so seriously...:P)

This incident really get me to think not only how I deal with my anger, but also the thin line between "being funny" and "hurting someone else feeling". Early this week, a friend of mine kindly told me that she disliked the way I mocked at her. I appreciated her honesty deeply and I sincerely feel sorry for what I did. I have been on both ends that I have hurt someone and have also been hurt by unintentional jokes. Now, I am extremely carefully when I make fun of ppl and I still contemplating to find that right balance to be a truly fun person to be around.

Wayne

I am not a Christian, but I was very moved by this poem, just like how I was deeply touched by Wayne's strength, courage and spirit.

It has been an honour to meet you, Wayne. The time we spent was brief, but truly inspirational.

You struggle no longer, the Answer to our prayers,
Stripped from our lives, your death was our fears.
You fight no longer for time in this life,
A house to have, to hold, a wife.
Oh how vain are these things, in light of His will,
Against our understanding, the old you lay still.
A trying time for your strength and your faith.
Glorifying, all times you put God in His place.
A man I cannot outgrow, a man now without age,
An inspiration you'll be, til my very last page.
I thank you, Brother, on behalf of all learnt,
Your spirit never dull, by God's love you burned.
Our bodies are made to last a lifetime,
But Wayne, with your soul,
What body would contain?
What body would hold?

- Laban Cole

Follow up to the Closure of Anita Entertainment Ltd

With my best friend *pause* TV still in ICU, I can only sort of listening to it, rather than watching it. However, it's okay as I have been an expert in listening to TV with years experience since I was a kid! Oh....my good old time! Sneaking behind my parents back and secretly tuning my radio to listen in TV at my room was my biggest enjoyment back then, so was my school friends'. Why? Because I would spend the rest of the week storytelling them the weekly soap drama during every lunch time - the early "Anita entertainment Ltd". All you need is good imagination and creativity and then you can enjoy TV blindly!!

I went to my "retail therapy" today and I couldn't resist the temptation to admire those colour, non-twisted, steady, and workable televisions. I can't remember how long I was standing in front of those televisions but I have never felt so completed since I lost my best friend. *sniff* *sniff* It was a moment of joy and proud!! I almost forget that there could be colours on TV!!! That's how sad it was!!!!

"You listen to the TV over ICU? Anita you need help :-P"

Firework

It was really exciting to see others burning money. Well, that's my definition of firework anyway :P

I guess there was a reason why I was only allowed to play sparklers. What a discrimination!! Never mind. After I showed my dedication by burning my finger, they finally let me play with those big bang fireworks - Very impressive, but so overrated as it only last few seconds (Hum....like many other things....:P)

Car

I learned how to change tyres and washed my car this afternoon!

Anything gets me not to study, eh?

Fairy Tales

Let's believe in fairy tales again - together.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy (2005)

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy (2005)

I Panicked

I panicked!
I had too many thoughts,
With too little time,
Which I didn't know at the time.

I panicked! I panicked!
No start time was recorded,
So the call wasn't able to be traced.
It was entirely
MY FAULT.

I wish I had followed my instinct
I wish I had done what I should have done
I mucked up big time!
I wish I didn't screw up the little girl's life.

I panicked! I panicked! I panicked!

Karma

Karma works in a mysterious way. However, in this case, it was just not fair!!!

Arrrh!!!

She shouldn't have had suffered for what her brother had done. She is a lovely girl and he was such a jerk! I was screaming and angry inside, but I couldn't say what I wanted to say out loud because I knew it would have been for the wrong reason. It would have been for me, rather than for her and I would have definitely regretted it. I am glad that I wasn't swayed by my feelings or acted rashly, but still it really irritated me to see her get hurt the way I did.

On the grass, under the tree next by my favourite beach, we shared the most intimacy with each other. We cried, we laughed and we supported each other with all our hearts. Looking at the sea, I admitted that I have been self-harming myself badly mentally. Disclosing my darkest secret completely for the first time wasn't as intimidating as I thought it would have been, because I know that I am no longer feeling lonely in this battle.

- Thank you for being there holding my hand and loving me!

"I could so date you!"

My Best Friend...

My best friend *pause* TV died during the long weekend!!!! I was devastated!!

Instead of having a soulful life, such as reading, cooking or sleeping, I spent the whole day trying to make my computer work, so I can watch DVDs on it. However, lowering the monitor to the ground level, lying on my bean bag, typing keyboard on my lap and using mouse from an awkward position are just a bad combination for a disaster to happen!!

This morning when I got up... *Ouch* I twisted my neck! Great! Just great!!

Oh! For those who are so obsessed with problem solving or have such scientific/logic mind, here are the symptoms and tests that I have run.

Symptoms:
1) The sounding is fine, but the TV screen is twisted horizontally.
2) DVD doesn't work and neither does Video.
3) The TV menu text are shown fine!!

Tests:
a) I have changed the DVD input from channel 2 (at the back of the TV) to channel 3 (at the front of the TV).
b) I have tried re-channel it manually.
c) I have pull off all connections to DVD and video.
d) I have tried rabbit ear antenna.

Diagnosis
" Buy a plasma!" They said.

NOTES:
Due to circumstances, Anita Entertainment Ltd is closed until further noticed. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause. Donation towards further technical investigation/investment is welcome. For further information please contact party hotline, where a friendly representative will be with you as soon as possible. Your call is important to us.

P.S. I think my best friend has Alzheimer because if I tried hard enough, it would remember how to read a DVD. Well, 1 out of 10 chance at the moment. Maybe I am not completely losing my friend. There is still hope!

27/Oct/2006

Randoms Captianing

The battlefield was brutal as usual with my brave Randoms worriers!!

We led 16-12 at halftime, despite Power Rangers liked to pick on the little me! Why can't they pick on someone with their own size?! Or I was just too brave/naive to recall the law of physics - conservation of momentum? When the little bee hit the elephant, the bee will bounce back in the same speed, while the elephant is still stationary. Duh!

However, we fought fearlessly and restlessly! Well done, team!!

Despite the fact we finished with "second" again (we didn't win, but we were second!), we are still just behind the second last team!!! (Yes, the Captain is still in denial :P)

"Are you our Captain?"

"Yes, I am!"

"Shouldn't you be at least 6 ft tall?"

"*^^*. Sorry for letting you down, team!"

Crash (2004)

It was very interesting to see different groups of my friends crashing with each other tonight at Anita Entertainment Ltd. Somehow, I felt I was whole again. That's when I realised the different social patterns I adopt to, when I am with with different social groups. It's not that I put up different personas, but it's just I show different sides of myself more in one group than others.

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

- Crash (2004)

Restless, but Fulfilling Life

The talk I gave in the assembly went really well considering how little sleep I got from the night before. The key message I wanted those young girls to take away isn't how great it is to be an engineer, but they can become anyone they want to be. It's okay to feel lost and don't know what they want to be. I didn't know who I wanted to be and I still don't know even I started a career in transportation. However, I believe that there is no right or wrong choices in life because you always learn things on the way.

I came down to Tauranga right after the school visit, and then went straight to do the travel time survey in the afternoon. In order to compensate my hard work, I treated myself a very nice dinner on the waterfront with lovely wine and sunset (with project budget, of course :P). However, the dessert was really disappointing though. After some happy tipsy phone calls, I went to bed early, because I had to get up at 6am the next day to do another survey. There wasn't too much time relaxing or sightseeing afterward neither, because I had to drive all the way back to Auckland. I was so exhausted that even V (energy drink) didn't work on me and I had to keep punching myself on the face and legs to keep myself awake. I was half-dead when I got back to the office and my colleagues reckoned I should have just gone home. However, I really wanted to go to my transition group, so I ended up having a power nap on my desk after doing my assignment.

If I have learn anything in the last two days, then I learn to be humbler.

I came down to Tauranga with all sort of wrong attitudes. I was feeling superior, even arrogant! First, I was very Auckland orientated and thought how it could be possible that Tauranga would have any traffic problems compared with Auckland?! I was very wrong! Another thing I noticed and feel shameful to admit is that I am getting materialistic. (Damn! The evil corporate world has finally corrupted me!) The reason I came down alone and got a surveyor was that it's cheaper! But it doesn't give me the right to estimate how helpful the surveyor could have been based on her hourly charging rate! She was very insightful and I wouldn't have got out so much from my visit if it wasn't her with all that useful local knowledge and life experience. Not to mention, the best lookout place and the best fish & chip in Tauranga!!!

The more surprised I was at the traffic problem and how knowledgeable the surveyor was, the more shameful I felt.

Rubgy 101

I had my Rubgy101 today at the Corporate Box, Eden Park (Is it too obvious that I am showing off here? I am just a bit too excited about the whole experience with the food...oh and the game, of course(!) :P).

My lesson started with learning how to pronounce Rugby properly (I was pronouncing it as Robbie and ppl thought I was going to see Robbie Williams....:$), following by the difference between Rugby Legend and Union. I was a very good student and was very concentrating on learning all the rules in the first half until they brought out the food....

"Pssss......That is called a TRAIL"
"$^&%$*%#*#"

Ouch!

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up.

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy (2005)

Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy (2005)

Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more. Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy (2005)