Holiday Programme
I stayed at home, didn't talk to anyone and simply just wasting time.
During the week, it's always busy busy busy. Most of weekends, there are social events to be there for others. In between, there are people that I am thinking of, worry and care for. It's actually quite good for a chance to just be selfish and had nothing, had no one and had no strings attached and just being with myself - lying in bed, lying on my bean bag, watching TV, going on shopping, having comfort food full in my pantry, having a hot drink, having candles around me etc.
It has been a very stressful two weeks with things in my mind all the time. It has unfortunately affected my interaction with others. I used to be able to look after others and been there for them, but now I have my own need to be looked after. However, being me, that sometimes meant pushing people away even I don't get the comfort I need.
I am afraid that they can't give me the comfort I want. I am afraid that once I have the expectation, I'll be disappointed.
I KNOW that I am unsure, I am puzzled and I am frustrated. But I hate people who try to help me by problem solving or simplifying my thoughts. I don't need people using those counselling crap and guiding me. I feel stupid and patronised.
Then, it stroke me though that I wanted to stay in this no strings attached status for longer than a weekend. I decided I needed to work on my communication and needed to come out.
During the week, it's always busy busy busy. Most of weekends, there are social events to be there for others. In between, there are people that I am thinking of, worry and care for. It's actually quite good for a chance to just be selfish and had nothing, had no one and had no strings attached and just being with myself - lying in bed, lying on my bean bag, watching TV, going on shopping, having comfort food full in my pantry, having a hot drink, having candles around me etc.
It has been a very stressful two weeks with things in my mind all the time. It has unfortunately affected my interaction with others. I used to be able to look after others and been there for them, but now I have my own need to be looked after. However, being me, that sometimes meant pushing people away even I don't get the comfort I need.
I am afraid that they can't give me the comfort I want. I am afraid that once I have the expectation, I'll be disappointed.
I KNOW that I am unsure, I am puzzled and I am frustrated. But I hate people who try to help me by problem solving or simplifying my thoughts. I don't need people using those counselling crap and guiding me. I feel stupid and patronised.
Then, it stroke me though that I wanted to stay in this no strings attached status for longer than a weekend. I decided I needed to work on my communication and needed to come out.
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