Wedding

She had two bridesmaids. The one who was useful and the one who were useless - me :x

The weather wasn't great, but seriously it could have been worse! We even got a peak of blue sky during the photo shoot :o! There were about 134 guests and unfortunately I know very few of them. It's kind of the occasion that I felt rather lonely when I wasn't alone! The social pressure was rather stressful. As a bridesmaid, there was no way to hide or blend into background. Depressingly no guys were picking up on me - the one and only who is single and availablein the bridal party! Seriously, what is wrong with those guys! I had to make the efforts approaching them :x I tried my best to be sociable and did have some fun, but the social pressure really kept me on my toes for the whole night! :(

I lost my voice (I guess I did success to have some good time) by the time I got home, which was like 2 am!!! Tomorrow (I meant Today), I am going back for more - the present wrapping... God...I am so tired! I don't know whether or not I am able to put up another few hours!!

Love Tanks

I have been feeling quite depressed over the Easter holiday as I had no plans for it. People I wanted to spend time with were out of town and even if they were in town, it's probably not such a good idea to see them. See....it's depressing! Anyway, I went for some retail therapy yesterday and it seems to work as I was feeling lighter enough not to go to the church and have lunch with friends today.

After lunch we went for a walk on the beach. He mentioned a book he read about the five love languages:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

I thought they were quite interesting and may be even helpful for whoever is reading my blog. A skillful communication is really important and if you can identify you and your partner's needs, then you can both learn each others love languages and met each others needs. I find the idea really neat even it's rather obvious once it has been pointed out!

Have a google of Dr. Gary Chapman's five love languages and wish you can fill you and your partner's love tanks in a more efficient way.

Letting Go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off...
It's the realization that I can't control another...
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

- Author Unknown

Wedding Weekend

It has been a long weekend full of weddings! Different weddings!

10 years ago they started going out. They agreed to share everything as they grew up. 10 years later, they decide to exchange rings and promise to support each other for the rest of their lives! - It has been a love story among us who share their journey.

The whole ceremony was very holy and she looks stunning! The church was full of joys, blessings and loves from families and friends who travelled from Japan, Taiwan and Australia to be part of this important moment of their lives. We got to catch up with one and the other at dinner and I was honour to be seated at the "high seats" as I was part of the Uni gang. Time flies so fast! It seems like yesterday we were laughing and playing at engineering school and now we are still the same group of kids, except we are all living at different countries, having different careers and different lifestyles. The evening was kept in a rather Taiwanese style with speeches, presentations, singing, eating, drinking, gossiping/caring, teasing, games, and 鬧洞房 (wedding room "service").

After the wedding, we went out until bars stopping serving us alcohol and I was exhausted by the time I got home.

Trivia:

• It was interesting how I got all self conscious when he was around. I guess it's normal~ :x
• *sniff* *sniff* YOU!! You have to take responsibility! If I can't get married it's all your fault!!! Me? your wife??!!! 死熊爛熊笨熊！你要負責任ㄚ！你要還我清白啊～你這樣叫我出去怎麼見人啊！！！
• She must had done a lot of damages to him. The next girlfriend he went out with had the same English name as hers. And now, his current girlfriend shares the same Chinese name as hers! :o
  

Today is my another uni friend's Hen's do - kiwi style! I first picked up a friend from the bus stop and gave her a quick 10 mins Auckland recap tour and went to the lunch place. It was a lot of laughs! Games were extremely funny and I got to play with dildos for the first time (Five of them!! :x) I had two cups of coffee and a can of V (energy drink) to be able to stay awake and drive after a late night like last night and an exciting afternoon like today. We talked all the way down to Hamilton and it was very nice to catch up with her again as always! She is such a wise, caring and insightful friend. I delivered her home in one piece without harm and had Wendy's for dinner :). Also, I was really pleased to see her partner looking great with the new drugs working fine. He was walking properly and with more energy ever than I saw him in new year :)

Trivia:

• Somehow every time I heard she said "librarian", I had an image of a monkey! Of course, he again can take the credit of influencing my soul, because of the book he once made me read - Terry Pratchett: Guards! Guards!
• Today is April Fools' Day, so I guess any games/tricks can be justified :p
• It took a lot of efforts not to kill anyone while I was driving back to Auckland alone!!
• I was calling in sick on Monday after this wedding weekend!

Helpless

I followed my heart
but my brain shut it down
suggested the most righteous decision -
which I can't stop crying since.

I have lost you once,
I can't bear to lose you again.
I have been hurt once,
Once bitten,
Twice bitten.

Loving you is still the bravest thing I have ever done
'Cause I have never stop loving you
Losing you was the most hurtful trauma I have ever faced
And I can't stop feeling hurt and insignificant

Things have finally started working
And it's depressing to let go
Time.
Time we don't have
Time.
Time is always wrong

Somebody better show me how
Before I run out of tears
Somebody better show me why
Before I lose faith

Meredith: [pauses] You walked away, and now it's too late. There's too much water under the thing, or whatever. (Grey's Anatomy, 2007)

First Love

Orion is the first constellation I loved
even it's so high up in the sky
that I can not have it,
I know it will always be in my heart

Derek: Can I ask you a personal question? Why did you leave Meredith's mother?
Richard: I could have left Adele. I could have gone away with Ellis. But I would have had so much baggage, so much guilt. Ellis couldn't see it, but I wasn't... I would have never made her happy. Not like she was certain to be happy. I was a better man for walking away. I loved her enough to walk away. (Grey's Anatomy, 2007)

Gossip Fireback

10 o'clock news update
After the long discussion with the public (you guys), the Reporter of the 10 o'clock news update invited Anita this morning for an interview regarding this issue, The issue about who should kiss Anita.

Her comment are as follow:
"I don’t mind either or both of them ( G****** and J**** ) kissing me…………………mouth of course…………….I really want some guy(s) kissing me……….)

The Reporter suggested that this event should be reschedule to a more realistic day rather than April's Fool Day. It is agreed that TONIGHT (after dinner tonight) will be the best time for this spectacular event.

The reporter also contacted all 3 of them ( Anita , G****** and J**** ) and they will be available at around 9:30pm tonight.

Now it is up to the public to give pressure on these 3 people . Whether this happen or not, are all depend on the readers.

The Joy Luck Club 2

A year later...

Same place, same chocolate shop, same 4 women with another year of different life stories.

She may be the most boring one, but also the most envy one. The relationship is still stable and marking 4 and a half years. I am really happy for her :)

My twin sister from uni still creates the most dramatic story among us all. After the story of the year, she postponed the wedding, spent time at homeland, went through a similar guilt I went through, and recently broke up with him. We again share the same timeline and mirror emotions. She is going through a lot of realisations like she always does and it's amazing how she lives her life so positively with all those teaching she is learning. I deeply admire her faith.

After in a relationship for a year, she is now facing choosing what she wants. The relationship, the career, the oversea experience. Life would be perfect if she could have them all, but life is always full of challenges and choices. Only two can be chosen. So, which one to let go?

Then, there is me who is still hurt, but happy with a hippo in the bucket even I still unsure what to do with it.

Round the Bays

We went for a 8.4 km run/walk along the coastline with 75,000 runners today. It was not as hard as I thought it would be. I actually quite enjoyed it and felt good about the accomplishment. Her mum was acting like a mother and asked me to bring my jacket for the race. To be honest, I rather enjoyed being told off. It feels like someone cares about me :). I finished it in 81 mins, which isn't great at all, but fast enough to have the free BBQ lunch provided by my company (We run out of food soon after my arrival :p). We were exhausted afterward and the free massage was just what I needed! Mmmm.....I just wish it would have never stopped.

The hot shower and a nice cosy sleep were desired and granted soon I got home.

I have always found hard to express my feelings to others especially if it's something I feel quite strong/difficult/embarrassed about. However, your gentle warm caring responses today really embraced my heart. I wish I could do this more frequently and naturally without feeling hestitated whether or not it's the right time, right place, and right mood. If I could be more assertive, I would have had the courage to tell you the true affection, rather than just a lame,

"We'll make it work!"

Backdoor? Okay :)
Backdoor without shoes? okay :D
What? Windows?! :$

Meat! Meat! Meat!

I have been craving for meat since last weekend. And chicken nuggets and stealing/begging colleagues' meat didn't seem to work! Thus, after lunch, a couple of colleagues came with me for meat hunting! Unfortunately, we only found frozen BBQ pork buns (too lazy to go any further :x). After eating one and a half buns, I felt quite sick and full.....However, I am still craving for meat!! :p

Meat! Meat! Meat! I want more MEAT!! Some sweet and sour pork would be really good right now!!

"I'll sell you my monthly pass for $60!" he offered.

"Humm.... but I don't think it's worth it for me as every now and then, I have to work on K'd Rd so I actually get picked up." I said without thinking.

"Hee hee... You really ought to improve on your choice of words...working on K'Rd...get picked up" He made fun of my innocence.

Derek: You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Somebody who doesn't complicate your life. Somebody who wont hurt you. He's the better guy. [pauses and just stares at Meredith] Finn's the better guy.

Meredith: You are a great guy. You're a wonderful guy. And you may even be the better guy, but -
Finn: He's the one.
Meredith: And I wish he wasn't.
Finn: He's gonna hurt you again. And when he does I won't be here. Take care of yourself, Meredith. (Grey's Anatomy, 2007)

An Arrangement

"We are not a couple, but we are just two people who happened to go to couple counselling, had hot chocolate, dinner and danced together!" He said.
"No, we aren't in a relationship. We are just in a weired arrangement!" She said.

Meredith: If I haven't made a decision by the end of the day, I'm flipping a coin. A girl can only hold out for so long. (Grey's Anatomy, 2007)

A Little More Light

The firework was amazing! The stage effect was so awesome that it was totally worth the effort to get there and jumping up and down to be able to see it through140,000 people heads! It was like a theatre play but with firework as actors! It's the best firework that I have ever seen!!! The music, the special effect, the fire, the performers were just breathtaking and spectacular!!!

I have never seen so many ppl in the Domain! There must be at least twice or triple as many ppl turning out as Christmas in the Park! The whole street was conquered by Aucklanders who definitely outnumbered the cars. I felt sorry for those clueless poor buggers in the vehicles who happened to be on our way, because they could have done nothing except turning off their engines and waiting until migratory pedestrians swarmed through!

I was so tired after playing on the beach, the firework and marching in/out the domain, that I barely could construct a sentence or spell simple words such as "theatre" and "triple"!! My mind was still functional, but my boby was dead, so all I did was unsystematical mumber :P

Oh~ my pillow was just what I need.

Lantern Festival

There were so many people there!

Fortunately we got there early, so we could at least grab food with moderate pushing/squeezing/fighting. Later on, the whole street were so packed that it was such a mission to get or see any food! It reminded me of Taiwan night markets so much that I got all excited like a little kid and was actually enjoy fighting food for others! I ignored the utterly overcharged prices and just enjoyed the moment with food I missed (yum!) and friends.

It has been a rather homy romantic evening :)

I then went tutoring. I wish I were a face to face counsellor or a family therapist so I could be more useful, but I wasn't neither. Sigh~I found myself in an awkward situation to deal with many issues which I was too young and too old to deal with...

Negligence, Reckless, or just Silly

I went to see Summer Shakespeare last night, which I found it rather disappointing. It may have something to do with the band playing loudly close by or it may be simply that this year is the worst in the past 3 years. I met few new people and got some referral for pregnancy (hummm.....it could be misinterpreted...but oh-wel :P)

After a late night, I got up early this morning to give a complete painting tour to him. He was up and quite awake (which surprised me) when I went to pick him up. We browsed through all our paintings in my office first and then the gallery in Devonport. It means a lot to me that he came and saw my artworks today.

After dropping him off, I drove back to the shore. I came to a roundabout and my car was juddering slightly. I was a bit worry, but I was so busting so I ignore it. Then, there was this big hill and my engine started c.h.o.c.k.ing...THEN it *DIED*...What happened?

I run out the petrol!!!! *shake head* *shake head*

I was so glad that at least it didn't happen when I was on the highway earlier on!!! Phew~~

I Chopped My Finger

I (thought I have) made the decision but that decision had made me very depressed for the entire Saturday, so maybe I was not following my heart. Then I went to Starlight Symphony after a tiring exhibition opening, and an unhappy suspicions made me realise that even I follow my heart, the other side of the coin is equally painful!

The depression really kicked in today and it's as painful as my chopped finger.

When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong

- Romeo & Juliet, Dire Straits

"I gave the finger to my manager and he smiled back to me! :D"

Where are My Paintings?!

I was very hurt when I found out none of my art works get selected (Damn! I forgot to bribe the judge!). However, I was able to put up a "it's okay" face during the dinner, but my disappointing tears came down quickly once we got into the car. :( I still love my paintings and believe they are brilliant, but it was hard to accept the fact that they didn't quite make it on the spot. Well, I guess at least it means that they won't get sold and I can still get to see them everyday at work.

Fortunately, I had few friends who gave me all the emotional supports that I needed through txts, especially from him. Those txts meant a lot to me tonight as when he shows his care, it touches my heart in a total different level. I knew that I can get over it in my own way eventually, but having him by my side made it much easier :)

Thank you!

"Can I come over? See you?"

Post Valentine's Day

There was at least 1 kg of chocolate sitting on my desk this morning when I came in.

Why? I would like to believe it's because of my elegant beauty and charm (Come on! Just let me have my moment :D and not so in a hurry to burst my bubbles yet :p) and they were too chicken to give those chocolate to me yesterday. Thus, they thought they could just "bring some" for me incidentally today.

Or, maybe they all had a great valentine's day and received too much of chocolate from their valentines.

Or, it may be simply that they were on special...

Dark and Twisty

It was a long three hour chat, which I am glad that we had. It didn't help with the decision making, but it was the most healthy and honest talk we have ever had. It clarifies a lot of suspicions, feelings, and issues, but also brings more questions, surprises, hurt and emotions.

The thorn had been deeply embedded in the heart. Now it has been brought up to the surface and every time the heart pumps, it hurts - sharply. It's gonna hurt more before I can take it out completely.

Time to settle. Time to heal. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time.

"I seem to relate to Grey's Anatomy a lot. That's why I love that drama!"
"You relate to Dark and Twisty? :p"
Yeah! You have no idea how relevant that comment is!

"How long is long enough?" He asked.
"Two years?!" She suggested.
"I can't wait that long! I will be so old!!!"