Jeans and Heater

So, you thought you are so smart that you put cloth and jeans on the top of the heater in the early freezing morning so you won't tremble and scream when you put them on?

Think again!!! Don't put the side with zip on the heater ever! Why not? Coz it BURNS!! And the worst of all, you can't put the jeans on until the metal zip colds down and you end up half naked for few mins!!! Not something you want to do in the morning!

It gives you a really unique mark though. However, it's not worth it as ppl laugh at you when you try to get some sympathy...

The Burma Benefit Dinner

I didn't know anything about Burma or heard about the name of Aung San Suu Kyi before; that made a enough reason to go to the benefit dinner.

It was a very casual dinner with a completed new experience. I get to know Aung San Suu Kyi and what she has been fighting for-the democracy and the freedom for her people. She could have enjoyed her life happily with her family in England, but she decided it means more to do something about her home country. She couldn't see her husband before he died, coz she was arrested in Burma and she hasn't seen her two children for 2-3 years when the documentary was filmed which she looked like in her late 30. Yesterday was her 60 years old birthday and she was under her 3rd house arrest again. Then, another documentary was shown, which was very heavy after the meal. It showed current Burma living situation. Citizen run away from village into jungle for surviving because the Burma government army attacks them so often. They burn down their houses, took their stocks and leave nothing for them. Kids want to get education, but they can't. Ppl lose their family...etc.

There are ppl who are lucky enough to flee out the country, but what kind of future do they have in the refugee camp? My friend showed us her slices which she took when she was visiting one of the refugee camp in Thailand. The funeral cost 3 tires and one whisky coz they can't afford any thing more! They have to fight for the basic human right/need, which while I have taken as grounded. I couldn't never understand what it must feel like, but I am glad that I know about it. It makes me laugh at my own problems coz comparing what they have to go through in a daily life, mine are nothing!

The food was interesting too. Very similar to most of Asian food, but very spicy. The sweets were more exotic and I enjoyed it more as I got a lot ;) Their dance were similar to Thailand with a lot of hand and finger movements. The whole evening was an open eye culture experience and inspire me to do some volunteering work, again. I caught up with some friends and realised that they all have enjoyed their life after Uni coz they have felt fulfilled from their volunteering work, such as Youthline, refugee programs, mental institute etc.

What the Bleep Do we know?

I was not surprised that this movie would be so controversial. Ppl either see it as the best film of the year or the worst! It touches a very sensitive philosophy of human fundamental belief using non-user-friendly quantum physics. It's a very dangerous approach and I really admire the filmmakers courage.

Most of the stuff aren't new to me, but it was a fantastic job by the filmmakers to put everything together and made a great story!! Visually, it's a beautiful film with a lot of graphic effects and the theory/story tied up nicely. No matter you believe spiritual stuff or not, this film certainly makes you think. For ppl who don't against spirituality, this movie opens their awareness of the possibility to see the world differently. I know that ppl who are very scientific focus or fundamentalists will think it's outrage and think any other way to disapprove it either from science or religions. But, seriously, it's just a movie, no needs to get it so offended as there is nothing coercive or subversive in the film. It either challenges your belief or enforce it! Be open-minded!!
Ummm....I need to be more open-minded to ppl who isn't open-minded

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Banana

"It's not easy being Chinese in New Zealand, People assume you're (a) rich; (b) a bad driver; (c) poor in English; (d) out to take over the country" He said to the reporter.

A conference is running this weekend in Auckland to address some issues/debates about being Chinese in New Zealand society (detail). Immigrating to another country is a hard journey. For the new immigrates they have the immediate challenges such as finding a house, adapting into another culture, getting involved with the community, finding new friends, the guilt of abandoning their home, families, parents, friends and so on. But after they finally settle down here, they start having different challenge. Who am I? Where is home? What is my identities?

There are ppl who has been here for generations and see themselves as kiwis until the new wave of immigration. For them, it's not fair to apply those new perceptions/stereotypes of new immigrates. They grown up here and some of them don't even speak Chinese anymore but they are now taken as Chinese and asked where they are from. There are also the mixed ethnicities that their parents are from different cultures and it's more confusing about who they really are? And of course there are also ppl like me- the 1.5 generation who were born oversea and then grew up here in New Zealand. The challenge for us is that we have strong links with both countries, but at the same time weak. I am confused, very.

For me, New Zealand used to be home and Taiwan is my motherland. But now, my parents have moved back to Taiwan and again I am looking for my identity. Where is my home? I feel the obligations to be nationalistic for both countries, but I can't. My English is never gonna be as fluent as kiwis and I'll always have my Chinese ascent. I'll always like eating rice and looks like a 2nd citizen in New Zealand. On the other hand, I am losing my Chinese in writing and I forget so many Chinese literature. There are so many brilliant old Chinese traditions/stories/wisdom that I haven't taken on and I feel I am letting my ancients down. I am too conservative for kiwis, but too westernlised for Taiwanese. I can't fit in either societies, and going out with a kiwi boyfriend sometimes doesn't help. There are a lot of conflicts and confusions for me, the 1.5 generation, and I believe there are at the same time different problems for different Chinese immigration groups, or just any human being. I think we all live in a confusing era, Chinese or non-Chinese.

Maybe, I should start my own 1.5 generation country :)

A Brunch

I had a brunch with a friend at this classic cafe with sunshine in the early Sunday morning.

She has recently had an amazing personal developing journey and I am happy for her that she has refound her path again. We seem always to cross pass each other's life experiences and give each other unexpected inspirations of relationships, personal growing, meaning of lives etc.

"Of course, I used to want him to send me text, call me, spend time with me and do little sweet things for me." She started talking about her ex. "But, if he doesn't want to, you can't do anything. Suddenly, you find yourself powerless." I said.

"No, you still have the power, now I realise! You have the power to change yourself. We were busy and couldn't see each other much so I was expecting a lot from him when we finally see each other. But he rather played his computer game than spending time with me...." She continued. " I forget we still need personal space and do something we enjoy just by ourselves."

That's right. We always thought we can change others, but we never did. If the change doesn't come from within, then it's not the time for them to change. It's easy to get into a routine in a relationship after a while. We were always happy at the beginning of the relationship coz you still have your personal space and you didn't expect much from the other.

An expectation is a scary monster. It's like a black hole and never get fulfilled.

You are uncomfortable about the unknown future
"What is he gonna do?"

You are setting expectation
"If he is going to do that for me.....
You are so exciting if it comes true
"I would be so touched and happy if he does that!!!!"
You are disappointed
"Maybe he is not gonna do that"
You are devastated
"What if he is gonna totally ignore me, I'll be so devastated"
You are miserable
"Maybe he will (Yeah!). Maybe he won't (ouch!). Maybe he will (Yeah!). Maybe he won't (ouch)"

Most of time...... you don't get what you want-the loving feeling. Even you did get the action you desire, you'll take it as grounded. I have been aware and acknowledged that I am actually quite needy. I am not as strong as I seem to be. I know she will make her own choice on this party, like I know I am still working on accepting this feeling and make it okay.

I am looking forwards to seeing you again, my inspiring angel!