Helpless

I followed my heart
but my brain shut it down
suggested the most righteous decision -
which I can't stop crying since.

I have lost you once,
I can't bear to lose you again.
I have been hurt once,
Once bitten,
Twice bitten.

Loving you is still the bravest thing I have ever done
'Cause I have never stop loving you
Losing you was the most hurtful trauma I have ever faced
And I can't stop feeling hurt and insignificant

Things have finally started working
And it's depressing to let go
Time.
Time we don't have
Time.
Time is always wrong

Somebody better show me how
Before I run out of tears
Somebody better show me why
Before I lose faith

Meredith: [pauses] You walked away, and now it's too late. There's too much water under the thing, or whatever. (Grey's Anatomy, 2007)

First Love

Orion is the first constellation I loved
even it's so high up in the sky
that I can not have it,
I know it will always be in my heart

Derek: Can I ask you a personal question? Why did you leave Meredith's mother?
Richard: I could have left Adele. I could have gone away with Ellis. But I would have had so much baggage, so much guilt. Ellis couldn't see it, but I wasn't... I would have never made her happy. Not like she was certain to be happy. I was a better man for walking away. I loved her enough to walk away. (Grey's Anatomy, 2007)

Gossip Fireback

10 o'clock news update
After the long discussion with the public (you guys), the Reporter of the 10 o'clock news update invited Anita this morning for an interview regarding this issue, The issue about who should kiss Anita.

Her comment are as follow:
"I don’t mind either or both of them ( G****** and J**** ) kissing me…………………mouth of course…………….I really want some guy(s) kissing me……….)

The Reporter suggested that this event should be reschedule to a more realistic day rather than April's Fool Day. It is agreed that TONIGHT (after dinner tonight) will be the best time for this spectacular event.

The reporter also contacted all 3 of them ( Anita , G****** and J**** ) and they will be available at around 9:30pm tonight.

Now it is up to the public to give pressure on these 3 people . Whether this happen or not, are all depend on the readers.

The Joy Luck Club 2

A year later...

Same place, same chocolate shop, same 4 women with another year of different life stories.

She may be the most boring one, but also the most envy one. The relationship is still stable and marking 4 and a half years. I am really happy for her :)

My twin sister from uni still creates the most dramatic story among us all. After the story of the year, she postponed the wedding, spent time at homeland, went through a similar guilt I went through, and recently broke up with him. We again share the same timeline and mirror emotions. She is going through a lot of realisations like she always does and it's amazing how she lives her life so positively with all those teaching she is learning. I deeply admire her faith.

After in a relationship for a year, she is now facing choosing what she wants. The relationship, the career, the oversea experience. Life would be perfect if she could have them all, but life is always full of challenges and choices. Only two can be chosen. So, which one to let go?

Then, there is me who is still hurt, but happy with a hippo in the bucket even I still unsure what to do with it.

Round the Bays

We went for a 8.4 km run/walk along the coastline with 75,000 runners today. It was not as hard as I thought it would be. I actually quite enjoyed it and felt good about the accomplishment. Her mum was acting like a mother and asked me to bring my jacket for the race. To be honest, I rather enjoyed being told off. It feels like someone cares about me :). I finished it in 81 mins, which isn't great at all, but fast enough to have the free BBQ lunch provided by my company (We run out of food soon after my arrival :p). We were exhausted afterward and the free massage was just what I needed! Mmmm.....I just wish it would have never stopped.

The hot shower and a nice cosy sleep were desired and granted soon I got home.

I have always found hard to express my feelings to others especially if it's something I feel quite strong/difficult/embarrassed about. However, your gentle warm caring responses today really embraced my heart. I wish I could do this more frequently and naturally without feeling hestitated whether or not it's the right time, right place, and right mood. If I could be more assertive, I would have had the courage to tell you the true affection, rather than just a lame,

"We'll make it work!"

Backdoor? Okay :)
Backdoor without shoes? okay :D
What? Windows?! :$

Meat! Meat! Meat!

I have been craving for meat since last weekend. And chicken nuggets and stealing/begging colleagues' meat didn't seem to work! Thus, after lunch, a couple of colleagues came with me for meat hunting! Unfortunately, we only found frozen BBQ pork buns (too lazy to go any further :x). After eating one and a half buns, I felt quite sick and full.....However, I am still craving for meat!! :p

Meat! Meat! Meat! I want more MEAT!! Some sweet and sour pork would be really good right now!!

"I'll sell you my monthly pass for $60!" he offered.

"Humm.... but I don't think it's worth it for me as every now and then, I have to work on K'd Rd so I actually get picked up." I said without thinking.

"Hee hee... You really ought to improve on your choice of words...working on K'Rd...get picked up" He made fun of my innocence.

Derek: You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Somebody who doesn't complicate your life. Somebody who wont hurt you. He's the better guy. [pauses and just stares at Meredith] Finn's the better guy.

Meredith: You are a great guy. You're a wonderful guy. And you may even be the better guy, but -
Finn: He's the one.
Meredith: And I wish he wasn't.
Finn: He's gonna hurt you again. And when he does I won't be here. Take care of yourself, Meredith. (Grey's Anatomy, 2007)

An Arrangement

"We are not a couple, but we are just two people who happened to go to couple counselling, had hot chocolate, dinner and danced together!" He said.
"No, we aren't in a relationship. We are just in a weired arrangement!" She said.

Meredith: If I haven't made a decision by the end of the day, I'm flipping a coin. A girl can only hold out for so long. (Grey's Anatomy, 2007)

A Little More Light

The firework was amazing! The stage effect was so awesome that it was totally worth the effort to get there and jumping up and down to be able to see it through140,000 people heads! It was like a theatre play but with firework as actors! It's the best firework that I have ever seen!!! The music, the special effect, the fire, the performers were just breathtaking and spectacular!!!

I have never seen so many ppl in the Domain! There must be at least twice or triple as many ppl turning out as Christmas in the Park! The whole street was conquered by Aucklanders who definitely outnumbered the cars. I felt sorry for those clueless poor buggers in the vehicles who happened to be on our way, because they could have done nothing except turning off their engines and waiting until migratory pedestrians swarmed through!

I was so tired after playing on the beach, the firework and marching in/out the domain, that I barely could construct a sentence or spell simple words such as "theatre" and "triple"!! My mind was still functional, but my boby was dead, so all I did was unsystematical mumber :P

Oh~ my pillow was just what I need.

Lantern Festival

There were so many people there!

Fortunately we got there early, so we could at least grab food with moderate pushing/squeezing/fighting. Later on, the whole street were so packed that it was such a mission to get or see any food! It reminded me of Taiwan night markets so much that I got all excited like a little kid and was actually enjoy fighting food for others! I ignored the utterly overcharged prices and just enjoyed the moment with food I missed (yum!) and friends.

It has been a rather homy romantic evening :)

I then went tutoring. I wish I were a face to face counsellor or a family therapist so I could be more useful, but I wasn't neither. Sigh~I found myself in an awkward situation to deal with many issues which I was too young and too old to deal with...

Negligence, Reckless, or just Silly

I went to see Summer Shakespeare last night, which I found it rather disappointing. It may have something to do with the band playing loudly close by or it may be simply that this year is the worst in the past 3 years. I met few new people and got some referral for pregnancy (hummm.....it could be misinterpreted...but oh-wel :P)

After a late night, I got up early this morning to give a complete painting tour to him. He was up and quite awake (which surprised me) when I went to pick him up. We browsed through all our paintings in my office first and then the gallery in Devonport. It means a lot to me that he came and saw my artworks today.

After dropping him off, I drove back to the shore. I came to a roundabout and my car was juddering slightly. I was a bit worry, but I was so busting so I ignore it. Then, there was this big hill and my engine started c.h.o.c.k.ing...THEN it *DIED*...What happened?

I run out the petrol!!!! *shake head* *shake head*

I was so glad that at least it didn't happen when I was on the highway earlier on!!! Phew~~