Myamnar - Lake Inle, Mandalay, Yangon, Bagan

I was worry that after getting so comfortable in life in the last few years, I would have felt backpacking too scungy. However, as the plane landed in Yangon International Airport, I got this familiar adrenaline rush and I knew immediately that backpacking is still in my blood!! :D

The trip has been a beautiful experience. The people here really touched me and every now and then there would be something that touched me so much that I had tear in my eyes. I really like the people and it is not just because they always called me pretty :p but also they were so sincere and honest. They might be poor in material wealth, but they are so rich in their pure good hearted kindness.

My soft spot toward Myanmar people went through 3 stages though. First stage, I just loved that they have no harming intention towards others but purely friendliness.

• There was no electricity at night at some places, but I felt safe walking in the dark alley in a foreign village alone as a single female traveller with stranger men sitting next to an open fire on the side street, with reddish chewing tobacco in their mouths and saying "Hi" to me (I had to admit, it took me a day or two to realise that they had no bad intention to me. All they wanted was just to say Hi and made me feel welcome).
  
• People gave me a free ride and got me a cheap taxi.
  
• Random locals/kids just loved to come up to me, talked to me in English and made sure I was okay.
  
• 5 o'clock in the morning, a local horse cart man walked with me to the temple to make sure I wouldn't get lost.
  

Stories like those above really touched me and made me feel so grateful for their kindness. They were poor and they worked hard to earn their living, but they love smiling and singing and most importantly they haven't gone bitter with all the hardship in life. They might not have a lot, but they are so rich in having a simple happy life and having the virtual to be kind.

However, my second stage towards Myanmar wasn't so pleasant. I went bitter after I felt that I couldn't trust people's story and price. I turned hard hearted after a bargaining exercise in Lake Inle. A set of transitional cloth started with 22 USD and I started my bargaining with 5 USD. In the end, the woman agreed to sell me for 10 USD as I walked away from the shop. It really killed me to turn down the deal. I felt awful, but at the same time I lost the trust in people. I hate dishonesty, so having them had such flexible price made me feel really irritated. In Mandalay, young kids were so eager for tourist money. They swarmed towards us with souvenir or wanting to be my guide and hoping in return for some tips. I did give tip for their incredible tourist knowledge, but I refused to buy anything. I could have bought some from one kid and helped one with some lucky money, but I couldn't have helped them all.

They all spoke English well and can also speak simple Spanish, German, French, Italian, Chinese and so on. It seemed that it's all from the same textbook as their questions were all standalised

"How are you?" "My name is ..." "What's your name?" "Nice to meet you" "How old are you?" "Where are you from?" "Do you have any brother or sisters?"

However, they also came up with similar inconsistent stories such as having no mother or no father to gain my sympathy. It really broke my heart to see those kids struggling with life and they had to learn and lie to earn money. I was quite hard hearted even it broke my heart every time when I had to refuse those eager kids with innocent smile. I didn't buy anything from anyone in the first 7 days except an donation to a school. A young man started a school teaching village kids English and Computing for free. I was touched by his ambition and passion, so I made a donation. I couldn't help all the children by buying their necklaces, but I believe education will help them more.

I was glad that I ended my trip in Myanmar with the third stage. I realised that no matter how much I dislike the money eager attitude from some of the people, everyone I came across were still sincere. Venders and kids were disappointed when I didn't buy or didn't gave a bigger tip, but they wouldn't turn bitter or angry at me. They were still friendly and sincere. They changed my mind and touched my heart again. I remember a teenager boy said to me, "Next time when you come, I'll show you the one thousand Buddha and my school. Also, I'll buy you an longi (traditional skirt) as a gift". That was after I refused to give him more tip for showing me around for 3 hours. (His friend got 5USD when I only gave him 3USD).

I did buy some sand painting and necklaces in the last 2 days. Yes, I could be gutted and thought I could have got it for cheaper. It's true that I might cut the price lower to 7USD or even 5USD. However, it's only few dollars less for me, but for them 3 or 5 USD meant much more. Really, those 3-5 USD is nothing for me, but for them it's life! Once I let it go, I was once again in love with the Myanmar people.

Thank you for those who I came across, looked after me and made my trip in Myanmar so memorable :)

Orange Flower

Thank you for the orange flower, shoes, rides, end of month drink, One Tree Hill sunset, drop off and pick up, massage, sleep-in, zoo, looking after me and generally just being you.

Do you know that...
Hippos a.k.a my favorite- River Horse can open their mouth up to 150 degree! They can also go under the water for 5 mins! Alligators can hold their breath for one hour!! Feeding giraffe is cool! They have such long gray tongue. Asia elephants are smaller than African elephant and one of the elephants in the Auckland Zoo is called Burma! The best animal of the day has to be Unclecarlceros.

Mountain Crawl

This time, we went soft! We only 'climb' One Tree Hill, Mt. St John, Mt. Hunbson, Mt. Eden and Big King. It was a fine hot day and it's again nice to catch up with friends and enjoy a bit of urban/nature walk.

I am exhausted after the walk and I can't wait to be in bed to rest.

Needy

It started as few silly teeny-weeny trivials such as rides or shoes, and then it became a much bigger underlying issue - needy!

God! I love counselling!

That empty and guilty feeling came back. I forgot how awful it could be and I thought it would never happen between you and me, but it did.

Thank you for being sorry and quickly super glued me back :)

After so many years, he is still cheating on her. Can I or should I do anything about it? Is it my place to say anything?

I feel quite useless.

I survived Lake Waikaremoana...Just!

It was an remarkable weekend in many levels - physically and emotional!

I cracked down in tear before the weekend even started it. There were just too many issues to handle, but it's amazingly how we can turn all that to a beginning of a beautiful long weekend. He was right about the dead rat - "Would you eat a dead rat now or in a week's time? No, you don't want to eat a dead rat at all, but the sooner the better!"

The group consists of 3 American, 1 Canadian, 2.5 kiwis, 1 Aussie, 1 Indian, 0.5 Taiwanese. We left around 5pm on Friday and arrived the camp site just before midnight.

The tramp was really challenging for me, especially uphill! On Sunday, the weather was horrible. It was wet, raining, gusty wind, hailing and SNOWING! It was the 19 km, 11 hour tramp with steep muddy 3 hour, uphill climbing 1100m above sea level! One of our teammate even suffered hypothermia when they arrived the hut at 6pm and they had to use body heat to warm her up! The second group with me being the weakest link, reached the hut at 7:15pm, just before it got dark. I barely made it, but I was so lucky to have the "Orange Mark" team support me and had all the right borrowed tramping gear. The next day, an woman from the other group said to me
"You look much better this morning. Last night when you came in you looked like you were in shock!"

On Monday, it all cleared up and it was magnificent scenery!!! I thought it was going to be down hill, so I was fool enough to say: Let's sing because now I can join in. Right after I said that, it was a long UPHILL :( - ONCE! Then I saw down hill! I thought it has to be it, so I said: Look at that beautiful scenery! Let's do it (the whole tramp) again! Right after I said that, it was another LONG UPHILL :( - TWICE. The third time, I saw down hill, I kept it quiet and whispered to other: Let's just get this done with.

I enjoy the evening time. After a long day hike, it was such a luxury to be in the shelter, in dry warm cloth and have some warm food. We had no lights nor shower. Everything was very basic, but I felt rich. I felt I had everything I wanted in life - laugher, singing, feeling alive, warm cloth, warm food, birthday cake, people I care for and people who care for me.

I have no voice now - not from singing or laughing, but more likely from the heavy breath, I am exhausted, my muscle are sore - which I didn't realise I have them, but I feel great! Being close to the nature and around the Lord-of-Ring-ish forest make me feel so ALIVE!!

What we tried to achieve is so challenging that both he and I felt like resigning today :(

Now I think I'm so lucky that I didn't get his job :)

New Role

I have been enjoying my new role. My direct boss has showed a lot of encouragement and appreciation of my performance and opinions. I'm so glad to have him as my boss and I work better when I know my effort is appreciated. We respect each other and we make a great team. I don't even mind doing background read during my spare time. That's how much I enjoy my new job!

Today we had a frustrating meeting with all the big bosses. Everyone came with their agenda and expectation and nothing really get done from my perspective. I can see my direct boss was as frustrated as I was and I jumped in to try to save him (us) and get everyone back to our interests. However, it didn't work :( After everyone left, we had a chat and confirmed that we felt the same about the meeting. He encouraged me to continue doing what I was doing disregard the meeting.

I like my boss!

Goodbye Tauranga

I feel sad about leaving TGA this week. Everything I do, I know it's for the last time...for a long while. I am going to miss the people and the lifestyle, especially the two min to work bit! However, my phone didn't feel the same, it went back to Auckland already!!! (I left it in the site visit car!) What's worse was that the guy who took the car is on leave until 4th of November!!!!

I really appreciate the opportunity to work in Tauranga in the last 7 weeks. I have learned a lot of traffic engineering which was what I was hoping to pick up during my stay here. Besides, it has been a great experience to work closely with different disciplines such as planning, geotech, and storm water and feel my opinion matter. I am going to miss the new friends I made and the lifestyle in Tauranga a lot. However, at the same time, I am looking forwards to the new role and new challenge!

I said goodbye in style! I promised myself that I had to do up-down and up-down of the Mount before I leave. I thought I had more time to do the training, but nah, so I had to it today. I walked up, rolling down, crawled up and falling down, but I did it!! So proud of myself!!

Breathe In Breathe Out

I finally "CHOOSE" to come back to Auckland this weekend (Oh well, I lied. There is a meeting on Monday that I have to attend to, but I did want to spend the weekend in Auckland rather than being told so in the last minute!)

We went for a long stroll in my backyard on Saturday - From Caster bay to Browns Bay. It was a beautiful day and it's so nice to enjoy the sun, breeze and smell the flowers. I run into him on the walk, who was taking his parents for a picnic. His mum was so friendly that I was a bit surprised when she hugged me and kissed me on the cheeks :#

After lunch we chased the bus hard and was very lucky to get on it just on time! Phew~ We quickly freshed up ourselves and then went to a birthday do. Again we were having fun outdoor and doing a couple of 'weird' games in Tahaki reserve :)

Today was a resting day for me to have a little space for myself to sort out some chores, but having him around :). I feel fully charged now! Tomorrow, I have to go to a kick-off breakfast at 6:30 AM and also a meeting.

Breathe in, breathe out
Tell me all of your doubts
Everybody bleeds this way, just the same
Breathe in, breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away, I will stay
We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
And I�m not letting go
You hold the other line
Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

- Breathe In Breathe Out, Mat Kearney

Souvenir from Tauranga

I blamed the pay day, but I was so tempting to walk out this shop with 2 bags, 1 sunglass and 1 wallets! It probably has more to do that I am leaving Tauranga soon and I feel like getting some souvenir out of this pleasant working holiday.

"Go on! Tell them the truth. It's because I'm moving down to Tauranga, so you want to run away and go back to Auckland" He said and we all laughed.

Then, he turned around with a paper on his hand,
"I don't blame her. I resigned straight away once I heard that you are coming!"

My AMA journey...

It goes something like this...

Brilliant Interview 8/Sep
He had great faith on me and push me to the level that I didn't know that I was capable reaching. It was an exhausting one and half hour interview, but I was glad with the outcome and many times I surprised at how much I have learned in the last 2 years.

Apparently, I did so well at interview that he started throwing curve balls half way through to demonstrate to the other interviewee my capability - a more senior role that I wasn't applying. He has put my name forwards to the Alliance to consider me as a candidate. I would be really keen on taking up that challenge if that happens! It's going to be a huge responsibility and will be outside of my comfort zone, but I know I'll have great support from people around me even it's a big step up for me. That's why I am so excited about the opportunity and really thrilled. No matter what's the outcome, I really appreciate his support and being taking interests in my career.

Disappointing Result 12/Sep
I had my hope up so much that when I was told I got the job, I was really disappointed even I had the job I applied for. On top of that, I found out that he also got in AMA too. I had a big cry after a thoughtful caring phone call, and then I was as good as new!

Sleepless Night 16/Sep
I couldn't sleep because I couldn't bare the thought to work under him!

Jumping with Joy 17/Sep
At workshop, I found out that he is NOT my boss and we are not even in the SAME TEAM!!!!!

AMA v.s. TGA dilemma 18/Sep~26/Sep
As 1st of October getting close, there are pressure to get me on board with AMA asap to strength the team. My future bosses have put down the deadline as 13/Oct. I understand their perspective and I want to be there too. However, on the other hand ,the ideal date for me to start on the AMA if it was agreeable would be 3rd November. In that case, I would have spent 2 months in Tauranga at that stage making the exercise more worthwhile for both me and the team in Tauranga as well. And of course, I love the life style here. I haven't got fed up with Tauranga yet.

Verdict 30/Sep
After battling to delay my start date with AMA, I still have to cut my stay here short :( Thus, this coming Friday will be my last day. Very gutted, Very disappointed, Very Sad. I tried to list all the pro's and con's on both Auckland and Tauranga. I think Tauranga had 8 pro's when Auckland had only 2 :( (But they are important to me)

Yes, no, maybe. I don't know. Can you repeat the question?

You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not do big.
You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big.

Life is unfair . . .

- Boss of me, "Malcolm in the Middle" Theme Song

City to Surf - 12 km run

I don't know how I got myself into this, but I'm going to do the great walk in Lake Waikaremoana for the Labour long weekend. I start going to the gym and doing as much training as possible from now on. I think I'll DIE, but hopefully by doing all those workout, I'll die slower! That's why I went for a 12 km run this morning (very last entry!!). I saw sunrise though!

"Are we there yet? Are we on 1/Nov yet? Can someone just fast forward to the end of the that 20 km in one day tramp?"

TGA Sweet Shop

I'm so proud of my TGA customer!!!

From the first two weeks that barely half of chocolate was eaten to this week that they finished the whole block of chocolate in a week!!!! I can now retire from TGA. :D

Technical Support isn't too Technical

You know that I didn't want to wash your amperes. The reason is I knew there was something wrong with my washing machine. The maintenance guy came to my apartment this morning and I found out that I have been "baking" my clothes i.e. I haven't been washing my cloth at all. It was set to dry my cloth only all along :(

No wonder my cloth isn't washing properly....and I was smelling very natural recently! :x

Closeness

We become closer but I feel safer than ever. However, the vulnerable emotion came later just before I left for Tauranga on Thursday. You didn't say a word and you were cold. I had no choices but left you alone because I had to and because I thought you needed some space. I was glad that you rose the issue. At least we acknowledged that there are still differences in our cognitions.

When we met again, it was for this fun costume party until 2am. I had fun even sometimes, I felt lonely in the party. It's amazing that when you pretend hard enough to have fun, you can actually start enjoying it more. After you were gone, the emotion hit again. I took out pen and paper and started writing a long letter; a letter I would probably regret to write and send later, but I had to put my thought down or I couldn't sleep.

My eyes are tired and I think I can finally sleep now...

I'm really close tonight
And I feel like I'm moving inside her
Lying in the dark
I think that I'm beginning to know her
Let it go
I'll be there when you call
Whenever I fall at your feet
And you let your tears rain down on me
Whenever I touch your slow turning pain

You're hiding from me now
There's something in the way that you're talking
The words don't sound right
But I hear them all moving inside you
Go, I'll be waiting when you call

Whenever I fall at your feet
And you let your tears rain down on me
Whenever I touch your slow turning pain

- Fall At Your Feet, Crowded House

First Weekend in TGA

The sun was shinny, the birds were singing and I was up early (7am :o) and ready to explore the Mount. However, not fitted!!! Almost killed me, but the view was breath taking! I'll be back to conquer it again!!

I was so excited about having visitors and sharing my little discovering in this town with someone else. Then, we went to the twins party, which was really fun! Knowing me with camera, all I needed was some invitation to take it out. Once I had done it, there was no turning back. Within few hours, I had taken more than 150 photos already!! :x

It was a big night for him because for the first time he felt welcome. However, I didn't feel the same. We had a bit quarrel about some other trivial issues, but I know he was trying to push my button because he felt hurt when it wasn't as big deal for me as it was for him. I tried to explain, but it didn't seem matter :(

I had an wonderful first weekend spending in Tauranga. However, I had to come up to Auckland tomorrow for the AMA interview. Is it possible not seeing Auckland every week?!

I'm really close tonight
And I feel like I'm moving inside her
Lying in the dark
I think that I'm beginning to know her
Let it go
I'll be there when you call
Whenever I fall at your feet
And you let your tears rain down on me
Whenever I touch your slow turning pain

Fall At Your Feet, Crowded House

My Life in Tauranga

Weather is marvellous here as it’s always sunny and even when it’s a bit wet outside, the office is only 2 min away from my apartment ;) Talking about my home, it has everything from toaster, ventilation, washing machine, drier, hairdryer, bath tub with spa to oven etc. I did go and checked out the gym, but it was a bit intimated as it was very "manly" when I went there. It was small with few treadmills and the place was packed with smelly men.. :x

I have been quite excited about little achievements at beginning such as cooking, strolling to water front to have lunch, discovering chocolate shop, second hand shop, juice shop, restaurants, library, art gallery, video shop, vege shop and even seeing places such KFC, Mcdonald, Startbucks, National Bank, and Hannah were exciting; making effort to talk to people, finding out what other people do in the office and getting invited to Friday lunch and BBQ were all intriguing to me. However, those little excitements disappear quickly as I get used to the city and start feeling a bit lonely when I have no one to share those achievements :(

My new colleagues are very friendly and I have learn a lot of different engineering disciplines that I wouldn’t normally get across, such as water engineering, stormwater, Road Asset Management, Fire engineering, roading tender, planning and of course traffic engineering. I have picked up some new vocabulary such as 'nil detriment', 'mitigation', 'aerial photo as built' and 'walking isochrone'. It’s such an alien language.

Life starts getting into some sort of routine and there are different kind of joys now such as I keep running into ppl in town and they smile at me and say hi. It’s not too stressful at work compared to Auckland and I have nothing much to do in the evening except cooking, relaxing, watching TV, reading, writing and sleeping – lots sleeping :D. See, very healthy lifestyle :) Once the summer comes (and after I get my license back – I left it in Auckland last weekend), I would like to explore further than foot distance during weekend and evening :D I have been asked few times that if I would move down here permanently. I think I am enjoying it so much that I wouldn't rule that possibility out at the moment :)

Last weekend, I went back to Auckland for my University reunite. It was a pleasant night to catch up with lecturers and friends, and hear how the department has been grown in the last 40/45 years. The evening was full of laughters and joys with trivial stories. My supervisor was the MC and he had done a fantastic job to deliver a memorable night. There are some old song and flag from the ’80 and we got to heard the remade and see how pound those students were to be a TAM/Esci students. Songs with LP formula were an highlight and we revisited it during the dinner. Everyone was singing Davey-Boy to the lecturer who has kept telling us that that formula is the most important equation!! And see what we do? We sang it back to him :D

This weekend, I’m having my very first visitor and I am so looking forwards to it! However, I have to come back to Auckland on Monday for my interview. I was really hoping to spend more time in Tauranga this weekend. Oh well, there are plenty of time!

AucklandSick

I am missing Auckland already even I am still sitting at my North Shore home. Really, I should work on my job application, but updating my blog seems more important than anything else at the moment.

The place I am staying in Tauranga seems nice - King Size Bed, Sky TV, Gym, Spa, service apartment, 2 mins walk from work etc. It all sounds exciting and promising with new challenges, new office, new colleagues, and new environment. However, even I hate to admit that I'll be bored, I think I'll be a bit lonely.

I miss you already.

狡兔

三窟！

I am so cunny!! ;)

I have kept finding excuses not to call her because I didn't know how to talk to someone who has just been through a lot of operations after a serious car crash. Fortunately, she made it all so easy. She was in a good spirit and was really honest about her progress - all the good and bad, all the sadness, pain, struggles, thankfulness and joys.

She is an inspiration for all the people around her! :)

May love, prayers, good vibes and healing energy be with you, brave woman!

It had been two months since I was in the hub. I was feeling a little bit apprehensive, especially I wasn't buddying up with anyone and it was late at night.

I had a girl and I feel really humble afterward. There isn't too many chances in life that one can talk to the old oneself and I was lucky to do so tonight. She made me realised that I have come a long way living with my stubbornness and high expectations, and suffering from my guilt and demon.

I was in great agitation after I put down the phone as I felt that it was such a privilege to give that hope to someone who is struggling in a similar way as I used to be. Now, coming out from the other end of the tunnel, I was able to sympathy and to give her my rapport. I meant every single word that I said to her and I was talking to the old me too. My words were powerful and important to me as I reinforced and validated my own success in my own journey. Once again, I always got out a lot from the call.

重圓

I don't know how I did it, but things used to bug me tremendously are no longer trouble me. Really, I don't need to know or want to analysis how I could let go. The important thing is I have moved on from the rough patch and feel solid, secure and happy again.

May the myseteous 080808 infinity power be with you too :D

破鏡

Life starts getting better for me. Everything is still running in a circle, but it's in an double helix style i.e. even it feels like I am running in a circle, it does move up (Gee...I must be a good modeller!). However, those negative things said in the holiday are still fermenting and troubling me. They are hurtful not because they are hard to accept, but because I don't think they should be the issues and that breached my limit for tolerance as the same as those negative things added up to be a big negative for him. I really want to move on, but I am still struggling to do so, so I have decided to go down to Tauranga for 3 months to have some fresh air and hopefully learning few new things and find out wether 破鏡重圓 or 破鏡難圓.

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!

- Shania Twain, Man, I feel like a woman

I should really stop running into guys and hitting on them. It never works! I am always the one gets bounced back and gets hurt :(

- Hummm... I should really stop getting carried and going off from the field with injury during sports. Ouch!

Auckland International Film Festival 2008

This year, I saw 8 films.

1. In Bruges - Very witty!! Brilliant script and acting. I laughed my head off. This city (in Belgium) is also my favourite city to spend an afternoon in, in 2003 :) I met an interesting guy during the movie, which was his 6 films on that Friday. He saw the opening film in the night before and "In Burge" was his 5th film on that day!
2. The band's Visit - A lost Egyptian band spends a night in a small Israeli town. It has its moment :)
3. Flight of the Red Balloon - It is set in Paris and is directed by 侯孝賢 (Hou Hsiao-hsien). It didn't lie! There is this red balloon flying through the entire film. However, that's about it. I walked out the Civic Theater and puzzled about 'What does the Red Balloon mean????"
   
4. Empties - Czech film so I had to see it! It portraits this hyperactive "never say die" old chap really well. He is humorous, charming, stubborn and earnest.
5. Mongol - The only film that I went with an company (sitting at each end of the row though). It's a epic/legend of Genghis Khan. I didn't know much of Genghis Khan's life and the culture of Mongolia, but I was fascinated by his tough upbring and amazed by 9 years old kids socialising like an adult- sedate and thoughtful. I had tears in my eyes a couple of times. However, I think his wife was fighting a different battle; it's not a life-and-death struggle, but equally if not more difficult battles. It's really a different era and different environment.
   
6. The Banishment - A Russian film. Okay okay, it's the film to be remember as the film that I couldn't recall when I tried to prove that I can list all my eight films. It was a very late movie so I only remembered the nice sleep I had afterward, but not so much about the movie itself :p
7. Caramel - A Lebanon film which filled with insight into women's lives in contemporary Lebanon through a local salon place. Caramel is used as a waxing tool.
8. Vogelfrie - A Latvian film which looked into 4 stages of a man's life. I think I saw that guy again, but I was too shy to approach him and asked his phone number :x
   

And as I haven't been to cinema for ages (!), I went to watch the latest Batman movie tonight - The Dark Knight. Man! It's so awesome!!

Being True to Oneself

I am glad that I start connecting with the group tonight. What happened in the last two weeks brought me forwards to the group.

• It's hard to be true to oneself without hurting other peoples feeling. It's also difficult to accept the crude truth without being offended, when others are being true to themselves.
• There are a lot stuffs going on in my life recently and I haven't been considerate nor been nice to people around me. I just simply don't have the energy. Saying less was the only way I could hold myself together. Thus, I haven't been communicating well and have been blunt about what I wanted. I have been accused to be selfish, inconsiderate, and control freak by friends/colleagues. It hurt.
• It was really irritating, when he kept being polite and running in a circle without telling me the core. I lost my patience with those sugar coated nonsense. 搔癢搔不到癢處！性子急起來，沒耐性聽他鬼扯，直逼他說重點！Finally he lost his tame temper over my provoking. He was afraid that the cruel truth would hurt me and he was right. It does.

Now, I don't know how to deal with his honesty. I don't know how to act anymore because I feel all my actions are assessed. I will hate myself if I change for him because I don't want to and because I am stubborn. However, if I don't change, I will be wondering weather or not he is judging me. I don't feel secure nor free anymore. No matter what I do/think or don't do/think, I will think of his comments now. I don't agree with his accusation completely. If this was like what he said, one of the main concerns, he would be too intolerant. If this is not the key issue and I am already reacting to it this badly, I don't know if I can handle the truth. I start wondering if he was right after all.

• Is it easier to be happily(?) alone than be with someone whom you wish could have more connection or intimacy with?
  
• I wish I could have more courage to desire what I want. Every now and then, I would risk it, but most of the time, I play safe. It has worked well for me and has been my defensive mechanism. When I am vulnerable, it's the time I need the support the most. If I don't desire anything, then when I don't get them, I won't get hurt nor disappointed. However, when I am close to someone and when my need doesn't get met, the disappointment would destroy me more than knowing I have no support.
• I have been on both sides in the last few weeks
• wanting more communication: I kept giving and giving unconditionally and wanting to have clear and honest feedbacks, but all I got was politeness and 無關痛癢的 differences. It really drained me out.
  
• not giving communication: Then, I gave up. I guess my care was not really unconditional after all. I was shattered and it was easy to just shut myself down. When he turned back, I was too tired to make any more efforts, so I gave him all had got left: cold shoulders and minimum communication. I felt in control and empowered by doing that.
  
• I think I am really lucky because I have someone who continuously shows more communication initiative than I do.
• However, it seems to change for some people after a long marriage when they pass the "being interested phase" in relationships.

I feel cheap, really cheap. 何苦作賤自己呢？！

I am angry, I am upset, I am offended and I don't think what you said was fair. However, I took the easy way out. I am disappointed at myself. :@

So you said that you want to come back. I would have been jumping with joy if it was a month ago. Now, I am just not feeling anything. I have lost the faith and I really don't like what I am feeling - empty that is.

Is it too late? I hope not, but I can't help but feeling numb. 你說來就來，說走就走，你把我當什麼東西阿！ :@

這一個月來，工作、友情、感情事事不順，一切亂七八糟、風風雨雨，真的好累好累，身心疲乏，想出去散散心。 :(

Reciprocal Visa

Can you understand why I am pissed? My pride is shattered.

There is this tree standing between two countries.

In a fair situation, two countries may have reciprocal visa regimes i.e. If you allow my citizens to enter without a visa, I will allow your citizens to enter without a visa. It's an agreement between two countries. I don't understand what the hell you are thinking! I tried, but it's driving me crazy. You decided to reevaluate the agreement for some utterly vague sugar-coated reasons which I could never understand.

I know that you are busy and have other priority. You can only look after one tree at the time to the standard/perfection you desire. You thought by disclaiming this tree, you would have less pressure and would feel less guilty if you aren't doing your best for the tree. However, meanwhile, you are happy for me to entry your country like nothing is changed because you are unsure about the commitment and you wish I would still water the tree for you.

You are WRONG! The tree is dying and I don't know if it is going to survive through this! I don't even know if I have the permission to enter, to water! I know that it's just a piece of paper, a title, a formality, but it's important for me. Without it, I don't know what's my right, I don't know how to behave and I don't know when you are going to deport me and why! I don't even know what I did wrong!

It's NOT okay to be just being!

Join Account

It's actually quite a sensitive topic and I was surprised on how insistent I am on having separate accounts.

For me, it's all about being 心安理得 so I can feel okay to take things out of relationship. I have no problem of giving, but I am not comfortable of getting. What does that say about me? Self-pride? I think it's more to do with self doubt, self insecure and self worth.

I can't believe that I even lied about how much I spent on the persimmon. It's 100% my pure proud hard-earned money, but I was afraid of being judged. How silly is that! However, who can blame me to be over sensitive under the current circumstance?

12 hours later, it was still dark and raining in Auckland, and I was drowsy as this dawn.

I got up at 4 am this morning to go down to Tauranga for an one hour meeting! Even I slept all the way down and back, I was so exhausted after a long day. However, it was still worth the trip to help out his fliers and got a free dinner :)

So tired now!

I can really feel that energy started flowing in my body again this week. I was boosted up enough to go ushering, gate crashing party, watching rugby, doing a shift, being cultivated by Tao, dropping curry cube, farewell party, painting my own tree etc.

I also made a break through with my "disgusting" symbol. My wisdom green Yoda won the battle!!

Communication is crucial for me.

I feel more alive after being gloomy for a week. It's amazing and scary how fast my mood switching between isolation and connection. I now can think about future and I even cooked tonight.

Painting Tree

I wish I could be more presented in the group, but I chose to space out. I don't know if it prevented me from getting the most out of the course, but I just want to detach from my intensive feeling.

I couldn't hold myself and I was weak emotionally and physically.

Then, you told me this tree, a tree that you desire. You have a very clear vision of how this tree would look like, but you have been sending mixed signals all night long. There are strict specifications of this tree and I respect that. However, it won't be exactly the same tree (and I don't want it to be) as your blue print if I am involved. It has to be an equal partnership and I have to have my own input. It could be better as I will bring my idea and my strength into this painting, but it would be surely different.

Let me paint this tree with you, but be aware that it won't be the same.

You have broken me all the way down,
down upon my knees.
And you have broken me all the way down,
you'll be the last, you'll see.

- All The Way Down, Glen Hansard

Out of reach

I have been away from my email/blog for 4 days. Now, I am back, feeling stronger enough to face the reality - to know I am in a meaningless fight alone.

Missed Call

I am sorry that I missed your call. Please excuse me for not calling you back just yet. I am not ready to talk, but I did listen to your message 4 times to know that you are thinking of me and care for me even from the other side of the world where is summer and daylight. Let me sorrow for a bit longer and I will get back to you as soon as possible - like I promised in my voicemail.

I am okay, not great, but coping. I really don't feel like eating at all, but annoying enough I keep feeling hungry.

"Are you okay? You look really sad."

Broken glasses

He dared me to use that found broken glasses on the table as an item or symbol representing

• an aspect in yourself you are wanting to attend to,
• a new aspect of self you would like to emerge or open yourself to, or
• what you are striving towards

- so I did.

I am losing my perspectives at the moment. In the last 48 hours, I lost a job opportunity that I was really looking forward. I also lost a person who I thought we could really have a future together. I had plans, I had visions, and I had meanings in life but now I have nothing. I am as broken as this spectacle; I lose my perspectives of life at the moment.

It's okay to be just being

I just want to sleep

It hurts, it really does and I really want to fight if only I know how. If I fight at least I feel that there is hope, at least I feel I am doing something positive rather than being the mess that I am.

I feel I got hit by a truck or why is it so painful. I just want to sleep forever so I won't feel the tearing pain. I just want to sleep so I can rest from crying, but I can't. When the alcohol wears off, I have to wake up. For a split second, everything seems so peaceful, seem like it was all just a bad dream. However, that peacefulness and relief only last for a split second.

I just want to sleep.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder if I keep dreaming, whether or not my knight with shinning armer will finally show up on my front porch and save me from all these miseries.

Waiting

I hate waiting!

Waiting for the phone called, waiting for the reply and waiting for making decisions :(

Car came
Car passed
Door opened
Door closed
People chatted
People left

Waiting for a door bell
Waiting for a knock on the door

It's still just my paranoia,
my imagination,
my hope - still

What does it all mean?

• She broke the promise and told them
  
• I had a mentoring session
• I had to put $$ figure
• It has been a week
• I had my first new APD group.

Nothing seems to be structural at my life at the moment and I feel so frustrated. Everything seems inside out, upside down. I feel out of control and unsure where is everything going.

What does it all mean?

A little bird

A little bird told her about me assessing options so she called me into her office. It was nice to be able to give her a little head up and a chance to tell her what I am looking for.

Tomorrow is a big day as I'll face my demon and another senior. Then, I think I am ready to make the final call.

You make time!

I have made good progress with her today. She helped me clarify what is important for me and also role played some upcoming tricky conversation. I learned a lot as usual. Thank you!

"You make time!"

Holiday

When your close teammate decides to take an indefinite holiday, what can you say? You want to respect and support his decision, but at the same time you have to deal with that anxiety, uncertainty and wonder where it is leading? what does it all mean?

The normal work contract says, you can have 4 weeks holiday each year. Does it imply that he will lose his job if he takes more than 20 days? I don't know the answer, but I just know it hurts.

Mentors

When I walked her up to Pitt Street and asked for advice, I run into him. He is back for few days and again :x, he invited me for a coffee. We chatted about me and I was thrilled when he offered to fly me over for a week just so I could feel secure and have some guarantee. I could really see myself develop under his wings. However, he is in Australia and I want to base in Auckland.

Then, he called me up and I hinted about my movement. Quickly, he kindly offered to have a chat with me and give me advice in my best interests. He even gave me a job number for it :o

Tomorrow I am meeting another respectful senior after work. I wasn't able to meet up with my "official" mentor for 6 months, but I am lucky enough to have these many seniors to assist me in making the right decision for me and by me. Thank you all!

It hurts

- I am glad that at least it does

...But if I lose the highs at least I’ll spare the lows
...Once bitten twice is shy

- Leave Right Now, Will Young

This week can be summerised as

• 4 nights out
• 3 alcohol nights
• 3 V
• 2 Slovak Visitors
• 1 sick leave
  
• 1 nerve breaking presentation
• 1 Peking Duck

2 Slovak Visitors

It's exciting to catch up with friends from far far away and find out what they are up to in their lives.

It rained buckets when she flew in late with her boyfriend on Sunday. They were knackered after travelling for the whole day from Sydney so it was just a simple pick up and drop off to town. Then, we had a girls talk on Tuesday to find out each other's life. She seems not too happy, I have sensed. Maybe, it's a normal blue before a cold winter.

On Wednesday, few hours after she flew out of Auckland, he landed. Same hostel, same nationality, and same friends from 2003. He has lived to this side of the world for 18 months now. It's nice to finally be able to pay back all the exciting experience he ever gave me in Kosice. The first Anita Night Tour including Mission Bay, eating mussels, eating Movenpick Ice cream, Mt. Eden and Playhouse (without "playmates" ;))

I was going to drop him back earlier, but the ex topic came up and I guess I had felt what he has felt - the hurt, the wonder, the unfinished business, the sorrow and the naivety. That definitely worth a couple of more drinks!

"Emotions pull on your heart - up and down - sideways"

"Tell him that we didn't have orgasm tonight"

Socail Events

Four basic scenarios

• I want you to come; you want to come
• I want you to come; you don't want to come
• I don't want you to come; you want to come
• I don't want you to come; you don't want to come

Then, when you put two humans (and one of them is me) into that equation, suddenly it develops into millions out of control scenarios with its own complications.

However, it could also be summarised as

• Jump out the bed
• Iron shirts
• Run into the heavy rain for the airport

雨大 ● 有他 ● 心安

Holiday Programme

I stayed at home, didn't talk to anyone and simply just wasting time.

During the week, it's always busy busy busy. Most of weekends, there are social events to be there for others. In between, there are people that I am thinking of, worry and care for. It's actually quite good for a chance to just be selfish and had nothing, had no one and had no strings attached and just being with myself - lying in bed, lying on my bean bag, watching TV, going on shopping, having comfort food full in my pantry, having a hot drink, having candles around me etc.

It has been a very stressful two weeks with things in my mind all the time. It has unfortunately affected my interaction with others. I used to be able to look after others and been there for them, but now I have my own need to be looked after. However, being me, that sometimes meant pushing people away even I don't get the comfort I need.

I am afraid that they can't give me the comfort I want. I am afraid that once I have the expectation, I'll be disappointed.

I KNOW that I am unsure, I am puzzled and I am frustrated. But I hate people who try to help me by problem solving or simplifying my thoughts. I don't need people using those counselling crap and guiding me. I feel stupid and patronised.

Then, it stroke me though that I wanted to stay in this no strings attached status for longer than a weekend. I decided I needed to work on my communication and needed to come out.

Decision making

He called and brought the reality closer.

Right now, that person could be me, but the opportunity is not going to be there in 6 months time!

*Sign* :(

A Series of Unfortunate Events

So, it started with that there was this tree that I wanted to trim; there was brother's car parking under the tree. (Note: The car hasn't been started for a year now...) So the plan was pushing the car out first, so we can jump start it and park somewhere safe when the worker trim my tree. However, the reality was a little bit more complicated than that... A day with a series of unfortunate events. A day with a good story to tell now.

First, we had to push the 2.2 L Toyota Camery out! (Well, HE had to push it out without breakfast, when I just simply sat in and steered). He was extremely strong and managed to move the whole car with good speed! (I didn't know those Weet-Bix ads were real :o) It was a good start, except that my leg was too short or the break wasn't working :x I almost didn't stop the car in time (Hand break! See I am smart, sometimes :p) Phew~~

Next step - Jump start! So, I left the car and helped him to drive my car out of my garage, so we can use my powerful 3L Nissan. After few adjustments, he finally got cars close enough for the jump start wires. Carefully, he started my car engine and then connected the wire, when I supervised by not touching anything, but looking.

*HONK* *HONK* Brother's car alarm went off madly! Yeah!! A great sign!! Then, out of joy, I approached the Camery and found myself got locked out. Yes, the key was in my brothers car when the alarm went off and automatically locked the car.

So, two hours after, we decided that neither of us should ever consider to be a car thief as a career. Oh! Did I mention that it was raining too? Spare key? No, I called bro in UK and unfortunately, there was no spare key.

My lovely buddy gave me his AA (Automobile Association) card, so I can call the road service. Then, I found out that he HAS to be there :( In the end, my kids' mother came with her membership card. Phew~ finally, I got hold on AA and they sent a rescue car to my place. He opened the car in one minute, jumped start the car and left! Yeah!

So you thought that's the end of my jump start story? NOPE! By this time, I was exhausted and scared at my brothers car, so I asked the supportive him to move the car and possibly went for a bit of drive to recharge the battery. He kindly agreed and drove away. As I was feeling relieved and turned to chatted with my concerned neighbours, I saw him running back toward me. What's wrong now? - The engine died, soon after it left the driveway and the wheel and everything was locked and lost control. Fortunately, he wasn't hurt and was able to park the car about 150 m away from my house. However, the car window was still down :( Thus, he came back to take the jump start wires and we drove his car to my brother's car in the hope to have enough power to close the window. We weren't able to start the car, but at least the window now is close.

Phow~~ *The End* for now...

Chicken Wing Party

There are few of my HK colleagues who love chicken wings so much that they always fight for them every time we go out. So one day we decided that it would be an awesome idea to have a chicken wing only party. Thus, that's today!

The rule was everyone had to bring a dish that consisted of chicken wings, so we had

• The so called Grilled Thai Chicken Wings ("There are 10! Who hasn't eaten mine??!!")
• Coca-Cola Chicken Wings.
• Lee Kum Kee Oyster Sauce Chicken Wings
• Chicken (wing meat) Salad
• Spicy Chicken Wings
• Indo style Chicken Wings with Tofu
• Grilled BONELESS Chicken Wings with Sweet-Chilli sauce
• Pizza Hut Fried Chicken Wings

Err...Now, I am chicken wing off :x

Dehydration

The drinking water at work was contaminated, so we had no water for the whole day.

Yes, there was bottled water got distributed and I was the first few victims having it - Best before May 2007 :x

Puhoi Kayaking

I started the day with my favourite breakfast - McDonald Egg & Beacon Muffin! Then, we drove up to Puhoi for the river kayaking :)

There was no "Low Mileage Club", but a lot of rain, singing, laughing and fun! We wondered around streams and explored the 12 km of the Puhoi river where we were advised to go to. I got tired in the end and it was also the toughest bit as we were close to the coast. The wind was strong and the wave kept pushing me to the mangrove. It was so frustrating that no matter how hard I paddled, I didn't seem to move much. In the end, I was lucky to got "towed away"

I got home and my garden has also been made-over :) It's all tidy up and neat :)

"我馬達真好！" :D

Teamwork

A gigantic trousers, two crazy people, both in - roll over!

What an effort! What a team work! :D

Offer

I have been talking to many people and asking for opinions on my future.

• Some have taken time and personal interests to share their experience/knowledge even from across the Tasman.
• Some have invited me over for a Philippine dinner or pancake breakfast and given me insightful information;
  
• Some have looked out for me;
• Some have offered what I want and put no pressure on me;
• Some have spent a lot of cellphone money and made me not feel alone; and
  
• Some has always been there for me and felt excited for me, no matter what decision I am making in the end.
  

I feel grateful to have those people in my life. Now, with offers on the tables, it's time to go back my un-so-happy relationship and see if they can give me what I want.

Goodbye, J

He has been a star engineer and a great friend. Now, he is gone :(

I am definitely going to miss him. He has been the main push for all those wonderful social outings in the last two years, which has been keeping me going when the job wasn't satisfying. I don't know how the gang is going to operate without him, but all the best, my friend.

Pancake Breakfast

She said she had the urge to make some pancakes, so of course as a good friend, I had to go and helped out :p It was so yummy that it helped to clear what I want.

• I want more responsibility
• I want strategic modelling
• I want economic BCR
• I want ITS
• I want project management
• I want to be seen, be recognised and be appreciate
  

Pay Rise

It was more than I thought :(

Good...

You said, don't write it on my blog, so instead, I write about you :p

Happy Easter

We first checked out the farmers market in Matakana on the way to the Goat Island. It's great to see some unique products and feel proud that New Zealand can be so innovative!

Then I went snorkeling for the first time!! Thanks for her patient and instructing me the breathing technic. I had a fantastic time!!!! :D It took me a while to get used to allowing my head into water for a long time and drinking some salty water every now and then :p It was so awesome to swim with big fishes :) However, I did get a bit claustrophobic! Too much water, I think :p

The next day, we went to Whatipu in the Waitakere Region. It's so nice to be out in the nature and go for a bit of bush walk (not so nice to find out I am not so fit :x).

Cheating

I feel like I was cheating today. However, when you aren't in a happy relationship, meeting up with other potentials seem an easy option, especially when they are also interested in you. It's funny that 2 years ago, I was choosing between those three, and 2 year later, I am still choosing them all over again.

Lucky me

I am such a lucky girl today. I started the day with a kiss and I finished the day by winning the door prize! A laptop bag (where is my laptop?!), a portable hard drive (160GB), a mouse and a bottle of wine :D

Today...

I feel like resigning...

Religion

I didn't know that I can talk this much about religion! Who knows maybe next thing you know I'll be talking about politics! Oh wait! I think I am already doing that :o

Thank you for being in my life

The theme tonight was around helpless and hopeless. I learned not only how to hold the hope for others, but also most importantly how to give myself hope and not too hash on myself.

When I look back, I see I have gone through some of the difficulty that I thought I would never concur. I saw no hope, but I hung in there. Now, I am okay, I am better and I see hope again. Things can be different with different persons. Things could change. I know that if I ever have to face some tough time, I'll look back on this and hang in there again. I have done it once and I can do it again! :)

Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for giving me the hope~

Wellington, Not Windy

Once again, I was in Wellington and there was still no wind. I am yet to be convinced that Wellington is a windy city!

It's funny that I felt further away from home than 3 weeks ago when I was overseas. It must be the fact that 我們之間的距離因溝通而拉近，感情比較穩定. I like that, but I don't like being away.

I didn't sleep that well the night before (even with ear plugs), so I accidentally fall into sleep during the morning presentation (I hope no one noticed :x) However, I was pretty on to it in the afternoon and I tried my best to entertain our clients so well that we almost missed our flights :p

It has been a very informative business trip overall. I also got to share my frustration with him and got some survival tips from him.

"Stop under-selling yourself"

Connection

I felt abandoned, I felt cold, I felt empty, I felt that I was once again that little girl who got left behind.

It wasn't a nice feeling, but what scared me more was losing the connection from the incident. My defensive mechanism was triggered and all my warm feelings were sucked out of my heart instantly to protect myself from the future possible disconnection. It really terrified me that feelings can be gone just like that. However, he once again amazed me at how he could quickly reach out for me and bright me back.

Thank you!

TV

After being the cry wolf for one and a half years, I finally bought my TV!! :D No, I am not kidding!!!!

It's such a long precess, but I did it!!! I have paid and will pick it up next week!! The grand ribbon opening was quickly organised with the premiere programmes- Wii and Playstation 3 :D

Be Humble

I have been feeling really frustrated at work. It's not a nice feeling to not be appreciated when others get favoured. I really want to do well, really want to be ahead and reach my potential. I know that I am responsible for my own development, but the management has made it difficult.

It was difficult for me to ask his advice because of my competitiveness, stubbornness and jealousy, but I know it's for my own benefit and I really want to try hard before I give in and move on. I am planning to talk to her and also organising a meeting with my manager to express my dissatisfaction.

Phone, Back!

I am jumping and smiling still as it's a miracle!!! I am now a true believer of networking!! :D :D

I was so in my little happy-phone-land that I missed not one, but TWO buses to Remuera. I somehow just forgot stopping them :) However, I didn't mind at all!

Yeah!!! My phone!!!!!

Lost and Lost :(

I seem to misplace my phone and I have been looking everywhere, but without any luck. It's really annoying the fact that I can't find it. I am upset not because it causes any inconvenient or losing any contacts, but because the fact it's gone, it disappeared and it's impossible to lose it! :@

I tried to make a pact with the angel/devil like last time, but somehow I just couldn't do it. Maybe it's an obsession of the pain, or maybe I am just too fond of memory. Then, I feel guilty that I couldn't let go the moving island.

Lost and Saved

My losing thing tendency has caught up with me after my 7 weeks travelling. First my nail cutter went missing, then my PC died for a week and now my cellphone disappeared!! :(

It's so frustrating that I had no idea where they are (nail cutter and cellphone) or what's wrong with it (PC) :@

This morning my electronic shopping list was:

• 32" LCD TV
• laptop
• cellphone

Fortunately, with my persistence in rescuing my PC, I managed to bring my PC from the grave to live after trying everyday for a week (with my colleagues and my brother's tips). The bonus of having no internet was to sleep early and also got housework done :D

Now I just hope that I will find my cellphone too.

Phew~

He is neither divorced nor with a child :D

Waitangi Day and Chinese New Year Eve

My first day back to NZ was full of actions. First, we went to Waitangi Day Festival early morning, then shopping, preparing for the Chinese New Year Eve dinner. I collected few Chinese "orphans" who were like me without family in Auckland and we had a little celebration at my place. I always tend to prepare more than necessary (I blame my Mum :p) My steam pot was too much that I didn't have space to put some of 火鍋餃、蝦餃、花枝餃 (steam pot dumplings) and everyone was so full that we didn't have 湯圓 (It's not quite my tradition, but as I collected all the Chinese orphans, I also adopted some of their culture :))

Happy Chinese New Year, everyone! (Doh! I have to go back to work tomorrow...就當拜年囉！

Home Finally!

It's so nice to get back and enjoy Auckland summer after drifting around the world for 7 weeks. What is most important is feeling grounded again, which mean reconnecting with my house, my kitchen, my pillows, my bed and him.

This trip has been really worthwhile. Apart from reconnecting with family and friends, I saw snapshots of different lifestyles and recognised what's important to me and what makes me happy. When I was away, I got time and space to see and meet a wide range of lifestyles and I got to reflect what I like and what I don't.

I really feel that I am a lucky and loved girl. I have friends all over the world. This trip really prove to me that distance isn't the issue. As long as you want something hard enough, you can always drop everything and jump on the plane to see people who are important in your life. Thank you, Danke schön, Dakujem, Kiitos, 唔該，謝謝

I am now full of energy and looking forwards to making some changes in my life.

Welcome home! Welcome to 2008!

Hong Kong, Melbourne

Hong Kong
I stopped over in Hong Kong for a night before I flew back to the south hemispheres. My bags have increased to almost 20 kg now. It was a bit difficult to carry them around in HK, but hey I deserved it :$, I guess. The hospitality at my friends place has again been incredible. The father took us out for hot pot and also took me to the closest MTR the next day morning at 6:30am!

Summary

• No shopping... bags are too heavy to tempt me to buy more stuff
• Food: Hot Pot、金銀蛋瘦肉粥、蘿蔔糕 (finally after looking for it everywhere, I had it in the airport for breakfast)
  

Melbourne
My first impression of Melbourne wasn't great. Stupid custom, stupid long long queue and silly me carrying all my bags rather than taking the trolley :(. Oh! Exchange currency at airport wasn't great, either!

However, the city eventually changed my mind about it the next day. Melbourne is a really nice city. It's big and better than Auckland in many ways, but most importantly it's still manageable (London was so big that I found it too overwhelming). However, it was too HOT for me! I guess I have been travelling in winter for 6 and a half weeks, so it took me awhile to adjust to summer.

Summary

• The long queue wait at custom almost killed my back
• Strolling around the city all by myself got me really excited as it brought back the backpacking feeling.
• Melbourne is a really neat place with many cute alley ways and shopping is great here too. So many variety :)
• Victoria Market: It's probably one of my favorite places in Melbourne. There were so many cheap fresh fruit, which I know he would so love it. It was so dangerous though as I was surrounded by clothes, bags, shoes etc. I don't know how I managed, but I stayed strong and walk out of them without buying anything! I was so tempted though!
• Walking around Chinatown and many department stores made me so tired that I took not one but TWO naps on the sofa of the mall - Australia on Collins became my favorite napping place in Melbourne.
  
• St. Kilda
• She took me out for bag shopping in the morning and then I met up with him for LCD TV shopping. No Bags and of course, no LCD TV yet. However, I did promise them if I got one back in NZ, I'll have to take a picture. I can't believe that he talked me into buying a LCD TV in the end.
• Botanic Garden, Shrine Of Remembrance
• Jazz Bar: I don't normally like trumpet, but this guy is really good. The band wasn't playing my kind of Jazz music, but I can really appreciate their talent! Thank you for showing me the cultural part of Melbourne.
• Meetings: They both went really well. However, career isn't the only important thing in my life and there are other different considerations need to be taking into account for such major change. I will have to see what comes along in the next 6 months
• Australian Centre for the Moving Image
• Video: Black Sheep, Bavarian Invasion
• Food: Vietnamese food, Fresh fruit from the market (Nectarines, strawberry), not so good Tiro juice, Seafood pizza, Tim Tam cheesecake, Poached eggs on toasts at Degraves, Tia Maria with Coka, lasagna, Juicy dumpling, fried dumpling, dumpling, green tea 麻糬 ice cream, watermelon crash, Japanese food (Prwan rice paper rap, pancake, deep fried soft crab), eggs and becan roll, eel benton box, green tea ice cream

Kaohsiung - Home

Home, Sweet Home!! :) After "detouring" for a month, I finally got to my destination - Kaohsiung. My Dad summarised my 10 days at home as "總統也沒有妳這麼忙!" (Not even the president is as busy as you!). Indeed, I had a very stressful catch-up schedule and I almost had a breakdown during weekend when there were too many social commitments. Wanting to please everyone and utilising all my time with family and friends made me neglected myself and not have enough time for myself sometimes.

All the reunites, catch-ups and conversations can be funnily (and sadly) summarised as

1. Do you have a boyfriend? :x
2. When are you going to marry? :x :x
3. When are you going to have children? :x :x :x

It must be the age thing... :x :x :x :x

Summary

• Family and Friend catch-up. It's sad that I really didn't know how to talk to my grandpa after they had just asked about his health and the exciting politics and elections :( The other grandpa was really in a great mood when I went there. He was dropping a VERY subtle hint of me getting older by telling me a story :x
  
• News (a.k.a soap opera) is not as entertaining as 2 years ago?!
• The heart to heart conversation with Mum went deeper than I was prepared.
  
• Night market! She was so good at bargaining! "$450 的話，就包起來了"
  
• Chat at HSR station. Good on her for going to 泰北. Good on her for quiting her job and have a bit of time-out in her life. Best wishes, my frieads.
  
• Hair strigthen; It took less time than last time, but it was still as painful as last time
• He came to see me with his Mercedes convertible and a suit. We went for a chat and then he joined in. They are so different from everyone else I know. I understand their values and appreciate how honestly they share about their approaches to happiness. He has always been a true friend and looks after me by telling me all the crude reality no one else would have told me. I felt uneasy and heavy though, after our chat because I still want to believe the good in people. The relationships they are involved are way more complicated than I ever experienced. Talking to them tonight and thinking of being back to Taiwan again made me feel really paranoid.
  
• Fortunately, I have done all my shopping in London and Hong Kong. There aren't that many sales at the moment in Taiwan.
• The only day staying at home :)
  
• They drove and showed me around in Kaohsiung and gave me a good rehearsal for the next day
  
• More baby Talks :x
  
• I am surprised at that New Zealand is more conservative than Taiwan in some way.
• Divorce with a child seemed to be the theme for tonight
  
• She came to see me from Taipei!! I ( :o) gave her a river tour and department store tour. Thank you for coming all the way to see me.
  
• My travel expansive has being officially over my over optimistic budget of NZ$5000 due to my new toy - digital camera! Dad loves playing it though. Hopefully he will get himself one soon.
• My best shopping buddy came with me to do more shopping :)
• I had a great talk with my parents about religious, and life in general. They really love me and worry my personality tends to be hash on myself, which I know. "能牽手，也要學會放手" - That must be the biggest parents love!. "我不要當你的父母，我只想當你的朋友"
  
• She is married! :o It was a bit pity that I didn't feel I had a chance to spend some time with her. However, I am glad that they seem able to understand and hold each other well.
• Food: Lots :) (I don't think I can list them all. It would be too crude for some :p)

Hong Kong, Macau

In short, my time in HK and Macao can be summerised as SHOPPING (again?! :$) and EATING! Thanks to all my lovely hosts. She was more happy than I was when I bought anything. Now my HK experience has leveled up to 201 - SHOPPING (Shopping 101 consists of tourist attraction, while 201 is focus on shopping). I passed this 201 paper in 東涌 as I managed to buy a sport cloth while I was carrying my backpackers on the way to airport :o My luggages has on my back, which has doubled since I left NZ (from 8 kg to 16 kg) :o

Life is too short to live in the past and my busy shopping has made me put my sorrow behind me and moved on. Talking about shopping, I am really uneasy when I am in the shops in HK. Shop assistances were too "friendly"and "helpful". They are constantly sitting on my tail and trying to "help". :x

Hong Kong

• Breakfast: 茶餐廳- 港式奶茶、雞肉湯米粉、火腿奄列 (ham Omelette)
• Birthday gift exchange
  
• 尖沙咀、旺角 Shopping, eating (pork neck noodle, pork soft bone noodle, pork feet noodle, 炸魚皮、檸賓 (lemon Ribena)、楊枝甘露)
  
• WHAT? The tea I was drinking was used to clean my utensils by them ?! :#
  
• Dinner: 木瓜焗飯、芥蘭冰鎮、Fried Chicken wrapped with beacon and vege, duck tongue and jelly fish, Fried rice)
  

Macao

• "Wow! Look at the bridges! How impressive!" "Doh! I'm so corrupted by those transportation engineers!" :x
  
• 威尼斯人酒店 (Vantiant Hotel): It's very extravagant, but it completely misses the essential of being Venice.
  
• 氹仔: What is "士多啤梨"?? "Strawberry!" :x
  
• 大三巴
• It was so cold that I ended up shopping even in Macao :x
  
• 媽祖閣
  
• Food: 焗葡國雞、葡式炒蜆、焗馬介休、薑糖、木糠布甸、榴槤雪糕、肉乾、杏仁餅、鳳凰卷、豆花、葡式蛋撻、咖哩蟹、非洲烤雞、葡式章魚燴飯、Tio Pepe

My lovely host told me that she spent HK$800 on average each day when she went on shopping in Hong Kong. Under her intensive supervision, I only spend HK$878 during my two and a half days visit. I guess my shopping skill could still be improved. In order to pass the next level of HK 301, one of the requirement is using 紅白藍 (a bag that ppl used after extensively shopping)

Hong Kong

• Breakfast: 艇仔粥、鹹肉粽、叉燒腸粉、奶茶
  
• We were hoping to check in my lugguge at Kowloon Station so we can go shopping freely. However, I would have to not only take the expansive airport express (3 times more), but also I needed to come back to Kowloon to take the express train. So I decided to carry all my luggage and went to this outlet shopping mall as we planned. Yes, I managed to buy more, even with my 11kg backpack on my back. I think my shopping training has been a good success!
  
• Lunch: 豬扒包、蜜汁雞翅、lemon tea

Happy Birthday in London

It has been a great Birthday weekend with all my friends around Europe. Five years ago we came to a country called Slovakia where changed all our lives. Five years later, 7 of us from different countries all met up in London :) What more can I ask for for my birthday? Seeing them again has been a dream come true. We all have grown up, we all have had different experiences in life, but still we share that special moment/year in Slovakia, which makes us special to each other.

Summary

• Slept in in prepared for the jet lag :p
• Finnish Lottery
• Travelling on the trains (which was delayed) for 4 hours + flying from Finland to London for 3 hours + on the bus for two hours = getting to the final destination at 3 am London time or 5 am Finland time :o
• London was so alive even at 3 o'clock in the morning :o
• Nature history museum - dinosaur and human body (more about babies!! It seems to the theme in the last 7 days)
• Harrods, Hyde Park, Oxford Street (still no shopping! Good self-control!), Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Square and Convert Garden
• I got all mess up with the traffic condition.
• New Zealand - Left;
• Central Europe - Right;
• UK - Left;
• Finland - Right; and now
• back to UK - Right :# (correction: Left :x See all those direction changes really messed up my mind))
• Having British, French, Russian, Germans, Finnish, Hungarian, Finnish/Hungarian baby to sing Happy Birthday and sign my special customised birthday cards in their native languages
• Little party: Talk about past, present and future with all sort of necessary: Kofola, Horalky, Chocolate, Alcohol and more alcohol...
• Pub hopping: Gorden's Wine Bar (very wicked!) and another bar that we can actually sit down!
• Board Game - Cranium
• Walking around London - Green Park, Buckingham Palace, St. James Park, Big Ben, London Eye etc
• Meeting up with the person who inspired me to plan this trip
• I feel sad about the regret in our lives and wonder if the circumstances were any different, would it ever work out?
• Musical: Cabaret. I love it! It was a brilliant tragic plot. However it was powerfully disturbing due to the explicitly sexual depravity and brutal reality.
• After having perfect weather for the last few days, we couldn't possible escape from the famous yucky raining London weather any more.
• I never expected that leaving London would be this emotional even I know it's time to move on. However, it's nice to have him there to comfort me on the train as I know he understands.
• Food: Lebanese lunch, Indian dinner, little party, South African wine, Belgian waffle, French cooking (Raclette - DIY melt cheese with various meat), more wine, Toad in the hole, Pear Cider, Munchies McFlurry (I was more excited at the fact that I got rid of my coins (99p) than the actual ice cream itself :p)

Tampere, Imatra

I love Finland because it has been snowing every single day when I was here! I also learned that there are something like 20 different words to describe snow depends on its size, moisture and so on. Winter is really significant here as the daylight is really short and precious for everyone. I think I'll have to come back during summer as I am yet to be convinced that there are other colours apart from black, white and grey in this country. It has been lovely to be back to Finland again and visiting old friends and new babies (I didn't expect to do all those baby talks!) Oh! And all the Finnish street/name/nouns are still too long and hard to pronounce

Tampere

• I had to take Taxi from the airport to their place. It was scary as I have Taxi-phobia. Fortunately, it was okay.
• They both gave me big hugs. It felt very surreal for him that I am actually here, but I have got over that after travelling for 3 weeks.
• Whispering as the little one was sleeping. He has been the one whose life changes the most among all of us in the last 4 years - got married, settled down and had a kid, but as I looked into his eyes, I felt that nothing has changed between us or at least I still feel the same way as 4 years ago.
• She was smiling at me as I opened my eyes. Hello, little one!!! Surprisingly, she wasn't afraid of me and made me really proud :)
• Sightseeing: SNOW!! Doughnut cafe, tower which made bullets, lakes, forest and more forest, little Prague, Venice place, library etc.
• Baby/Parenting Talk; from giving birth, how to breast feeding, how does it feel, how often, how to have the gender you want for your babies, to what I think they should do to have some rest, which I think I was probably over the top as I should be the last person tell them what to do, but I am really concerned about their stress-level.
• Sauna - I did the Finnish Way this time, i.e. NAKED! :$
• Baby crying night! Maybe it's because that I have been stealing her food (yum!), cloth and toy :$ I really can understand how tired it could be as parents.
• "I'm sorry that I haven't been in touch..."
• When we hugged, I understand how she felt, and he will always be my BP in my heart.
• Food: Salad, cheese, ham, fresh made doughnut, coke ice cream (I am not recommending anyone to try it), salmon, baby food (yum), non-alcohol hot wine, chicken pie, Varrasleipa (Dark bread)

Imatra

• I don't know how they manage it because I was so sleepy after just ONE lack of sleeping night!
• She looked so Finnish!
• Checking out all the shops. Don't worry, I didn't buy anything! I am still trying to justify that dress I bought from London!
• Her new home is so nice and so her. I was starting to get claustrophobia in Tempare, so it was so nice to be spoiled by so much space!
• Last time we watched a Thai movie in Finnish (she translated the whole movie for me). In order to keep this tradition (that we watched unusual programme), we watched Pilates this time! And some normal 007 movie, snowman and Finnish Rolii.
• A nice catch up, again about grieving, life and being survivors
• I met my Finnish kid who I left behind last time. She is four now and she is adorable!!! She thinks I am "nicely" silly :$
• Snowman, snow fight, snow-wash, ice lantern, snow licking, snow angle and ice-skating. Yay! SNOW!
• The church of three crosses (by Alvar Aalto). I also got a present designed by him :)
• What? Finns don't do kisses on the cheeks? :o Those european customs are so different!
• A special tour in Valtion Hotel. Her friend is a professional tour guild, so we had a privilege private tour in this castle-like hotel. It was a very informative tour and I learned all sort of interesting stuff.
• Food: loganberry cake, salmon pizza, Portugal wine, Jaffa (chocolate lemon cookies) from my cute Finnish kid, Reindeer meat with potato mash and loganberry jam, Karjalanpiirakka (rice bread), ice cream (cranberry with caramel - this one is good), many different chocolate bars, garlic bread, blueberry pie
  

Banbury, London

The silly cheap flight was delayed so I didn't arrive Banbury until 8 pm (and London tube is scary! However, I will forgive London this time because it was snowing when I came in!). It was so great to see my bother again after a year! He seems to look after himself very well. And for the first time in my life, my brother cooked for me! :o Surely living by himself has made him a great cook!! I am so pleased to see him enjoying his work and has become more mature in many ways and we even have more to talk than we used to be!

We went to Warwick together. It's the first touristy activity I have done since I arrived Europe. I don't know why, but I was just as happy to walk around the town rather than paying 18 pounds to see the castle. Maybe I still haven't recovered from all the ABC - Another Bloody Castle, Another Bloody Church, and Another Bloody City). I find myself change a lot in terms of what travelling means to me. I actually think it's for the better because I feel more peaceful and much more relaxed when I am not in a hurry to do everything and anything!

I would love to stay with my brother for longer, but I had to move on as there was a little reunite with my colleagues in London. However, I didn't make it :( Thanks to the wonderful British Train (!). There is always something out of order or tube lines are down! But, it gave me the opportunity to spend more time with her :)

I would never expect to do shopping in London, but I did! The sale was unbelievable! (50-90% off). On top of that, trousers fit me so well here! I spent £131.5 on clothes in one day :o There is even a dress!!! :o What a shocker!! Now I just need to find a way to take them home!

Summary

• Flight got delayed
• Circle line was down
• 30 min in the queue to get my Oyster card
• Hello Brother! Brother's cooking
• For the first time in the last 2 weeks, I didn't have any potato or alcohol :o
• Warwick Castle - my first sightseeing after 2 weeks
• Banbury - It's so small and so many sales on at the moment that I just wanted to go shopping. If I can't, I just want someone to buy!
• Train to Reading was delayed, so I went to Oxford instead. The announcement on the station was just so confusing! Victoria Line was down! :x
• Didn't make it for the reunite with colleagues :(
• I am so happy for her that he seems a brilliant partner who relaxes her and makes her laugh :)
• SHOPPING!! :o Unbelievable! I was planning to help her to spend money, but I ended up buying hard out! I blame him because I bought an arty shirt for him, then I seemed not to be able to stop shopping after that :x Trousers here just fit me so well! I am really living in the wrong country! DRESS?!?!? I must be crazy, but I really couldn't help it, but buy it.
• Epiphany (Three Kings Day)
• Food: Brother's cooking (燴飯、粉蒸肉、番茄炒蛋。No potato, no alcohol!), mini doughnuts, Pies, Tia Maria in coke, French cooking (Salad, cog stew with potato and rice, Calfornia and French wines), Crumpet, Pastis (anise based alcohol drink), more French cooking (anchovy pastry, salad, Tagine (some sort of meat ball things) with couscous, kings cake)
  

Trencin, Bratislava, Vienna

We stopover at Trencin to pick up her stuff and then headed to Bratislava. Everyone (including. me) was still recovering from the New Year, so after some cabbage soup and wine, everyone was just sitting, chatting and relaxing.

Walking around in Bratislava alone was really refreshing. I wasn't in a hurry to be anywhere or see anything. I felt I was between a traveller and a local. I revisited every small alleyways, man at work, paparazzi man, man at bench, primate house etc. After few hours, I was feeling more like a local than a tourist and felt ready to show anyone Blava again like I used to. Tracing memory of all the friends who I had spent time with was joyful. I miss them.

I can't quite able to describe the feeling of wondering around in an ancient town full of history alone, but I know he would understand. I wish he was here. Strolling in Blava reminds me of my favour film - Before Sunset. I was taking the train to Vienna and flying out tomorrow. It all sounds like the movie. Maybe I'll even meet someone? :$.

After getting myself familiar to the town again, I decided to have ICE CREAM! You should see the girl's face when I asked for it! She was surprised at my request and she told me that they didn't have any corns :x
"Is in a cup okay?" She asked timidly. I nodded
"Take away or..." "Take away." I said without hesitation. It was snowing outside and I wanted to do it properly - eating ice cream in snow! Crazy? Well, that's me :$ So, in the end, I had two scoops of ice cream in a paper coffee cup with a lid. Oh! They didn't have spoon, so I had a coffee stirrer instead!

I was so tired after strolling for 4-5 hours, so I really just want to rest and didn't have the energy to be social. Funny that my carriage to Vienna was full of Americans.

Again, I was back to Vienna after 10 days. This time, I wasn't so jetlag, so we walked around the center. After dinner and strolling the center, I was again ready for THE ICE CREAM SHOP hunt and he was trying to find THE Chocolate Place. We then found out that it's the SAME place :p I was so full after that!!

Summary

• Trencin - more new year champaign and sweet
• Slovak culture chat: Education system, history, Slovak KIA etc
• a lay-back evening
• Ice cream in a coffee cup with a coffee stirrer as spoon
  
• Strolling in Blava for 5 hours. Revisiting man at work, paparazzi man, man at bench, primate house etc. Randomly walking into second hand shop, gallery, antique shops. It's still snowing :)
• It's cheaper to buy a RETURN ticket to Vienna than a ONE WAY ticket still :0
  
• Walking around Vienna and found THE ICE CREAM PLACE :)
• Food: Her dad's experimental meat cake, champaign, sweet, cabbage coup, wine, ice cream breakfast, potato pancake (yum!), hot chocolate (excellent!), pizza, wine, THE Ice Cream Place.
  

New Year in Oravska Lesna

Oravska Lensna is the coldest village and it was covered in white when we came in. The mother was so energetic and looked after everyone with food. We had some cabbage goulash and I started my drinking of the day with one and a quarter (which was more like a half) of Slivo.

The Silvester was fantastic! The gang all dressed up quite formally for the dinner at the hotel. I put up my best effort to be acceptable good looking, considering that I am travelling and my make-up skill is worse than my ironing skill (I don't know how to iron, but at least I have an iron at home :x). I didn't eat much but had quite a lot to drink. I guess my drinking training in the last 10 days has paid off. I had about 6 glasses of alcohol during the evening (I am not looking forwards to seeing any of the embarrassing picture!! :x). I also danced a lot to try to lose all the weight I put on! Then there was the count down, the firework and more dancing and food. I might not have the White Christmas I wanted, but I definitely had a white New Year. It was snowing when we were watching the firework. I was so exhausted that I fell into sleep on the chair that some girl had to take me home "early"- 3 am. The next morning, I was definitely not able to go to church, but still I got up at 9 am. To start the new year morning, there was again 1 and a quarter (this time it was more like three-quarter) of Slivo. :x

Summary

• Happy White Christmas New Year
  
• Food: Cabbage Goulash, 1 and a quarter (or more like a half) Slivo, New Year dinner, 6 glasses of alcohol (Cinzano (sweet spirit) x 2, white wine x 2 and champagne x 3), 1 and a quarter (or more like three quarter).