Salon

I finally understand why do girls go to salon after breaking up, because it's F**KING long! I almost died on that chair!! 6 hours!! Gee...!! I was very chatty at the beginning, but after 6hours cut, wash, dry, soft, steam, wash, dry, protect, wash, dry, perm, set, wash, dry, protect, wash, dry, perm, more cut, phew.... I was just so starving and tired that I just wanted it to finish in the end.

Why is it good for the girl who has just breaking heart? First, it gets her out of the sad alone house/computer to be in publish, so she can stop crying. Secondly, the ordered instructions can shift her attention. Thirdly, the walking around and the waiting make her very tiring so the only thing she can think of is getting out of there. Besides, looking at yourself in the mirror for 6hours is just a torture in any normal circumstances, especially the one that the breaking heart girl looking at is a depressed and pathetic one and make her realises how unattractive she has become. Then, she can spend more money and make herself look more pretty(?), well, at least different. Finally, there are instructions that she needs to follow to keep the new hairstyle, so she has less time to sorrow.

Well, I think the most important reason is that changing the outlook makes the girl feel that she has done something and wish the better look will bring her a better mood.

I went to the shop to exchange the top I bought few days ago. Why? because I under estimated how fast I have GROWN in the last 3 months in Taiwan :(

Immediately, my eyes were caught by someone, who looked really familiar and beautiful with a very fashionable denim jacket. I couldn't help myself but stared at this young smart-looking lady for few seconds before I realised I was watching her so blunderingly. Then suddenly I recognised who she was -

It's ME in the mirror !!!

夠勁爆吧！

敗家大血拼

Before I start earning money, I have been wastrel...

I was so exhausted that I had no energy to say a single word, but lying on the lounge and looked dead by the end of my clothes shopping yesterday. What they say about shopping was true. I was depressed and desperate in the morning, but once I started shopping, I forgot everything...(Well,it's not totally true. I had a special friend who helped me walk out of my self-rebuke first.)

How much did I spend? Just say it was tremendous for someone as penny-pinching as me. Actually I wasn't too anguished about my wallet because it's just numbers I put on my credit card. Besides, I was spending NZ government money and those TW prices meant very little to me. Just WAIT until I see the bill! I will probably faint!!

I didn't sleep much last night because I was too excited about my 戰利品 (shopping loot/booty). I was tossing from side to side for the whole night because I was thinking/worrying about how to wear them when I go to what occasions and with whom etc etc. Pretty busy that night!

The worst part of this shopping is that I found out that I am one size up. Dame you 珍珠奶茶 (bubble tea) and 鹹酥雞 (spicy crispy chicken). Those disgusting superfluous greasy FAT made me look humongous! Even my Mum who used to think it's ridiculous that I wanted to lose weight in the past, has suggested me for the first time that I should do so.

新年快樂~ (Happy Chinese New Year!)

My being fond of eating situation didn't get better but worse during Chinese New Year~ I was very excited, like I have euphoria for few days and my eating pattern had became a joke amount my cousins and nieces by the end of 圍爐 (Chinese new year eve dinner).

I was walking with my Mum as she wanted some 圓仔冰 (shaved ice). I didn't had any, coz I had already had some of my favourite 雪花冰 (snow flake ice). I really like Chinese New Year in Taiwan, because the atmosphere was so happy and busy everywhere. My stomach suddenly was craving for 哪種拜拜用的糕仔 (special powdery coin-size cakes for worshiping ancestors) so I started looking for them. After a couple of stalls, I finally found one who was selling it.

"How much do you want?" The young owner asked me kindly.
"Er..err...Can I just have....3?" I felt so embarrassed to even ask.
"...Huh? Oh...Okay..." I am sure he was surprised that someone would buy so little. "In that case, don't worry about the money. How much do you want? Is it enough?" He put a handful of those powdery cakes into a plastic bag.
"Err...that's more than enough! Are you sure you aren't gonna take my money?" I was so embarrassed that I wanted to dig a hole on the ground and hided!
"Here you go. Happy New Year!!" He gently passed the bag to me with a big smile and refused to take any money from me.
"Thank you so much!! Happy New Year to you too, Sir!" I said with my face red!

Then, I started enjoying the powdery cakes that I always enjoy during new year, except this year it had a rather embarrassing story behind it. Before I finished them all, I saw the jerk stall with those sweet dry meat and my stomach again was crying out "I want it!!". I was trying to grab my Mum to come with me, but she used the excuse of the busy traffic, so I had to cross the street alone. My guess would be she had found the previous conversation rather embarrassing and she knew that I was going to do it again! And...she was right~

"Hey...can I just buy very little?" Here I was, asking my 101 shameful question again.
"Hum...well, you can just taste it for free here, but if you want to take it away, you have to buy it." I picked two different favours with an area of 25cm2 each into the bag and went to pay for it. The owner couldn't help but laughing at my selection and said,
" They are two different prices. But anyway, I'll just weight them together and use the cheaper unit price for you. Here you go. Happy New year!!" I am sure he had never meet this kind of nitpick costumer! 根本就是來找碴的嘛！

Before we walked into Grandpa's place, I smelled something so buttery! I was nimbly looking around like a cute(?) little squirrel. Right~~ Fresh waffle~~ mmmmmmm.....Waffle~~NO! Bad Anita! B..ut...but..NO! NO!! I quickly came to my sense and pull myself into the house (with my Mum hurrying to grab me out of the 犯罪現場 (scene of crime) and me looking back my 無緣的鬆餅 (unfortunate waffle)). By the time, I entered the house, I have finished my last powdery cake and started feeling a little bit of thirsty (Oh, No!). So, of course, it's time to get some 珍珠奶茶 (bubble tea) and of course if there were 鹹酥雞 (spicy crispy chicken) available, that would be just perfect!! After I had done my field study on where to get the best bubble tea (no spicy crispy chicken on that day. I was so disappointed!), I had a plan so cunning you can put a tail on it and call it a weasel! I tried to be a lovely aunt by offering my nieces to take them out for some bubble tea. But they said no (How could they?!). I kept asking, persuading and in the end, I was begging them...to let me take them out so it wouldn't look so bad. But....they only kept giggling at my immature intention without coming with me. So I had to go with my Plan B - Go by myself! However, the most accursed thing was 30 mins after they had seen me drinking my shameful bubble tea alone, they decided to go and got them themselves!! Kids!!

The following night and the next day gathering was also very busy and exciting with a lot of relatives (14 and 39 respectively) and food (again!). Mum noticed my euphoria and had to remind/warm me it's time to stop eating...

Sign~ I just can't control my excitement during Chinese New Year. However, after all, I haven't had a real Chinese New Year for 4 years! Of course, I had to make up for it!

A bubble tea a day keep my perfect body away

I have been drinking bubble tea everyday for 3 days straight!

Then I went out to renew my national ID and tried to get some VCD out, I just can't help it, but getting some bubble tea along with some 香雞排 (crispy chicken steak) (coz I couldn't get my favourite - 鹹酥雞 (spicy crispy chicken)) or 熱狗 (hot dog) (coz I thought it has slightly less calories than 鹹酥雞 (spicy crispy chicken)) ! Yeah, Right~ But it was so yummy!

Sign...If I keep allowing this happen, soon I will be a BIG FAT Anita....but my self-control system is just so helpless when it meets bubble tea and spicy crispy chicken.

My future...

After thinking about my future for 2 months, I slowly come to some decisions.

I really enjoy the research environment at Bio. No doubt, the freedom, the ideal pure goal and the people are most attractive to me to spend another 4 years+ time of my life. Being a student and doing research are something I really enjoy in the last 6 years. However (here we go...), I feel that I would really like to see what the real world like. I probably am going to hate it and find it very boring within 3 months, but if I don't try it, I will never know. It's probably not gonna be fun, but would be definitely different, and I find that very challenging at the moment.

Actually, I change my mind quite often these days. Not because I really love to do more research, but being afraid of the real world. If I am doing a PHD now, it will be because it is the easiest way out, not because I really LOVE to do it.

I thank you all at Bio for your friendship and support especially when things aren't doing so well personally or research wise in the last 2 years. Believe or not, the most difficult part of this decision is leaving you guys.

I don't know what the real worldis like, but I heard that they eat ppl. I'll update you all after I have a taste of it (Of course, I'll be the survivor in the cruel real world. I am 打不死的小強 (the unbeatable cockroach)！).

Prince William?!

I took the bike out to revisit my childhood today.

There were some surprises on the way which reminded me of a lot of little Anita (Well, I am still little :P). Some places were gone, some places were ruined, and some places were the same, except like me, becoming older (I meant....mature, meaningful and important!).

Then, subconsciously I took a right turn and astonishingly found myself into a community where I found it very familiar. I decided to follow the road of my childhood memory to give someone a visit - my primary teacher.

After so many years, I wondered whether or not I could still find the place. And the most important, whether or not she is still living at the same place. I was a bit nervous while I knocked on the door.

*knock* *knock*

".........." No one was answering and I started feeling that it was a bad idea.
"H..ello~~Is....there anyone home?" I felt quite silly and rude, but I took the courage to ask in the end. (No...I have never played that game when I was a kid...Ummm...maybe just a few times :P). I didn't even bring any gift with me for her...
Just when I was about to turn around, there was a sound from the back of the house. "Y...es, who is it?"

She saw me with a stun (of course, it's because I was stunning!) and I kindly helped her with my name. Of course, she remembered me, just not my name. She even know which year I was born and who else were in my class! I quickly updated her with all the important milestones in the last couple of years.

"So, you have a boyfriend, right?" Here we go, the normal question of my age. *nod* *nod* *^_^*
"Taiwanese?" *Shock head* *^_^*
"老師 (Teacher), do you want to see his picture?"
I actually don't know why I did that. Normally I behaved like I am shamed of him (Quote and complain from my bf). I think I was either so happy to see her or I have been improving my girlfriend learning lesson (Hey there, see how much I am proud of you now...:P).

"Wow!!! He is so cute and handsome!!!" She amazed.
*cough* *cough* "What...what?! Really?" I was almost chocked as I was eating the fruit.
"Yes~ He is so cute like Princes William in England. Don't you think?" She was staring and admiring the picture for so long that I was afraid that she was going to eat it. *You can't keep him!* *Give it back*
"......." I silenced. ^_^""

I was 三條槓 ( three lines at the back of my head, like those Japanese comics book). Of course, he is cute, but Prince William? He is much......*cough* *cough*.

Anyway, I thought I would write this down to suck up a bit as he always thinks I am shamed of him. I hope this will slightly make it up for him :P, won't it?

I can't breath!!!

It's WINTER and guess what's the temperature!!! It's 20-29 degree today and it was 28 when I went out earlier!!!

Hot~Hot~Hot! I can't breath!

Auckland is about 15-24 degree....SUMMER!

無可救藥的愛作夢 (Helpless daydreaming)

Since I was offered this 3 days job, my parents and I have been working on our daydreaming skill!

• Maybe they are gonna pay me NT$10000 per day!
• No? Fine. I'll just take it as an experience!
• Maybe this American visitor is very cute and attractive!
• Maybe he'll think I am such a talent and offer me a high paid permanent job in his company!
• Aha! That way the rest of my life is sorted!
• What should I wear? Hum...maybe they will even give me some 製裝費 (money for outfit)!

What? None of above?! I was made redundant (before my first day of work?!)!!! The agency couldn't get hold on the American client so they had to say sorry to me!!!! *Sniff* *Sniff* All my effect turns into NOTHING! (Gee...Wake up! Daydreaming girl! It was nothing right from the beginning!)

• Are they going to give me redundancy pay?
• Can I ask for mental compensation?

*Shaking head* 真是沒救！(helpless!)

Lasik laser eye surgery

Going through this Lasik eye laser surgery is the bravest thing that I have ever done after bungy jumping!!!! I think I must have had a too boring life here in Taiwan for too long to ever consider it. Even when I think about it now, I still can't believe a person as 龜毛 (irresolute and indecisive) and ridiculous overcareful as me would have done it!!!! Would I recommend anyone to do it? Well, not if you are 櫻櫻美代子 (very bored) wanting to find some adventure in life or/and such a gambler like me!!!

I was freaking out while I was lying there. However, I was told that I was a very cooperated patient so the operation went very smoothly. The surgical team said, from their experience, female patients are much calmer than males and don't move as much as males. One of the nurse explained that very wittily,

" Yes, that's because females are too scared to MOVE and
guys are so scared that they move indiscriminately"

Did I laugh? No way! I was too scared to move (exactly!) coz they had only had done my right eye!!!

I am okay after my surgery so far. Not blind yet, maybe in 10+ years, who knows :P. 24 hours after the surgery, my worst eye was having a 20/20 (1.0) version while the other is 24/20 (1.2) last Friday. I am going to see the doctor again this Wednesday and hopefully my test will tell me more about the recovering. In a way, the surgery was a success so far, but I am still not 100% ease or celebrate it yet as I can still see some glare and I have to put different eye drops into my eyes every couple of hours to prevent infection and help recovery.

There are some regretful side effects that no one has warmed me and now I am suffering...

1. I couldn't do any reading, watch TV or computer for 24 hours. That was the most boring time in my whole life. I had to LISTEN to the TV!! Fortunately I had 3 different eye drops that kept me busy. My life entertainment depended on those "every 1-2 hours", "every 4 hours" and "right after every meal" eye drops. How exciting!!
2. I haven't washed my hairs for 5 days coz I am too chicken to do so. Mum said that's nothing. During 坐月子 (the month that after delivery the baby), she couldn't wash her hairs for a whole month! (Chinese tradition!) Well, I guess, I better start getting used to it! And yes, I haven't used any cleanser to wash my face nor any lotion...:(

戒痕 (The Ring Mark)

I took the ring off. The ring I have been worn since Greece.

It was in the end of my self-finding journey in 2003. A ring that I hoped to bring me self-confident, wisdom and direction in life. For a while, I thought I have known what I want in my life after that dreamlike journey with myself in 2003.

However, once again, I am lost.

All I have got now is that clear ring mark on my finger to remind myself once upon the time I had found myself.

要好好愛自己

下了車，她轉過身，把口袋中那對我們一起買的髮束拆開。
拿著其中一個髮束，握著我的手說：
「妳收著，每當妳帶著它的時候，要記得-要好好愛自己！ 」
「喜歡上一個人是很幸福的！」 她說。

認識妳，是件很幸福的事！

那一夜，我決定把那一份關懷永遠帶在身上。
我會努力的好好愛自己 ─ 為妳、為我、為他。

He stabbed her with that foul dagger again

She huddled up as tight as she could so she could feel safer
with the minimum body exposure
She shaked with fear and started sobbing
She didn't know what to do, but hold every single part of her body together.
She felt filthy and she wanted to go home,
but she was too terrified to make any move.
She was dying at the corner that night, frighten!

He said he was sorry and she believed him
She wished it would be all over soon,
coz she knew, next time,
He may kill her.

My tears nor plaints would mollify a whit

I didn't deal with my disappointment that well in front of him but I was glad that at least I tried to fight for what I believe in and didn't bottle up. However, nothing got changed. ...

Yet he, whose heart is made of adamant or flints
My tears nor plaints would mollify a whit - my drama dialogue

When I walked out his office, I was once again very depressed and lost hope. What I have been working so hard for didn't get what it deserved. I still think I deserved better than what he gave to me and he hadn't been a fair supervisor. He apologised to me, but nothing got changed. However, I wasn't looking for getting better grades, but a justification/closure. At least I know I have done anything to justify myself and speak up. The rest (the actual grades I am getting) is easier to let go eventually.

After the exhausting meeting , I had no light in me and couldn't be bother to think of my first ever drama performance today, which I have been trying to keep it really quiet. Only very few people knew about me taking acting class. It took me 9 years to have the courage again to fulfill the dream I always I have. However, after the meeting I just felt nothing. I felt what's the point to even care! Things I worked for and dreamed for never deserve what it deserved. I am gonna sucks. I'll just once again to get proven that I am just not good enough. I'll be let down once again and get disappointed at something I really want.

I txted him, the only person that I wanted to be there, and asked him not to come. I didn't want him to see my failure again. A failure that's really going to burn me hard! And he didn't come.

Today, I live my life like a drama.

I miss you!

He was here and now he is gone.

I suddenly feel very lonely. It has been a while that I have someone to talk to, someone who has know me the longest, who is still around and still care. We spent hours just talk and catch up. It has been years since the last time we chated this long. I have never realised how much I miss him and now he is gone again.

Take care and good luck, my dearest friend.

2 Kiwis + 2 Slovaks

She came, from far-far-away, from my past, from a dreamland, from the best time of my life. It was weird to see someone who I met in a foreign land and to see her in my country as a foreigner herself now.

I learned my lessons and didn't drive through Newmarket three times ...Phew!!! (I really know my city well!! REALLY!). The weather wasn't the best, but it welcome my guest with its most typical way- 4 seasons in one day (or every 10 mins.)

I took her to some of the side streets where isn't very tourist's, but was my personal favourites.
Then all the suddenly, someone shut out,

"Micka!"
What? I haven't let this girl left my sight for the whole day since she arrived this afternoon and there is no way she has make friends in this country already without me noticing. But, what's the chance that there was another girl has as unique name as her? So both of us turn around to find out where did that voice came from?

The next thing I knew was I was in a classic slovak conversation again, just like 2 years ago.

It's his girlfriend.

How strange! This afternoon we were talking about how pity that we didn't know their contact detail in Auckland, and here we go, we met his slovak girlfriend in the middle of nowhere!!!The two kiwis, who met the two lovely slovak girls in BB, brought the two slovak girls to the kiwiland. And those two slovak girls found each other in this 1 million ppl city! What a story!

I was so happy to be in Slovak conversations again where I had no idea what's going on!! We had some wine at this very lived Greek bar with music and dancing. We talked about Slovakia, New Zealand, past and future, at present until so late that I had to take her home as she was flying out tomorrow to queenstown again!

I had so much fun today catching up with my past and sharing it with my present life. Soon, I am going to do it all over again with the German Machine!!!

I broke 323 test examples!!!

Oh~ Yeah! There are 323 test examples for this software programme I am using and I broke ALL of them!!! No one could use it until I fixed it :P

Beca Poster

"Now...the first prize for Beca poster 2005 goes to poster... #400..."
I couldn't hear what the award presenter said after that. My brain went frozen as I was overwhelmed by what I had just heard. I slowly turned to my left, looked up and murmured silently to him "It...it's me...."

"Well done!! Well done!!!" He pet on my back gently and looked down with a big smile on his face. He must have finished listening the whole announcement.

He was more excited about my winning than I was. Apparently I was way too cool/calm about this surprise and he thought I was pissed off at something or him. In fact I was just so in shock that I didn't react to it until I got back home!! I couldn't wait to tell my family while I was running/jumping into the house. I had to call Mum even we had spoken on the phone yesterday. Besides, there were our friends who didn't win anything in the prize giving and I tried to be as humble as I could as I felt bad about me winning and they didn't. What did I suppose to do? Go something like "Yeah!!! In your face!!"?! That would be just too cruel!

I still feel so excited about it. Not to mention the $2000 voucher prize from an electronic shop!!!!

"So...what are you going to buy?? A laptop? A mp3 player? A camera?" Ppl eagerly wanted to share my joy.

"Ummm.....I don't know...I am just thinking how to get cash from it...." How boring? I know! But that's me.....!!! I am a very cash-loving girl ;)

Being Understanding

I had no idea what I said in their wedding meant so much to her. She was so glad that finally someone can understand what she had to go through at the wedding- being in a foreign country and in a cross-culture relationship. I didn't mean to be understanding or sensitive. I was only saying things that I thought is appropriate and what I believe in.

I guess it's because I know exactly what it feel like personly, so the speech not only touched their hearts, but also sum up all her emotions perciously. Like in the Expectation, it's a gift to be able to understand one or the other. I was glad because of what I went through in the past, I touched another living being while she needed, so that now it gives a new meaning behind those disaster/mistake once I was suffering.

In return, she was there to support me for the same reason. We shared the feeling of being feeling outsider in a foreign country. It's really interesting to know how many feedback I got from sharing my own emotions. I am not only finding support from others, but also helping others to know they aren't alone facing the same challenges as me. We gave each other new stimulus to think of at the same time providing comfort to each other by being understanding.

It's such a gift to be able to understand others :D

A flashback

I always enjoy being invited by the organisation which I used to spend so much time and energy on coz I believed I was making a difference to the world. Being with it in the last 24hours again bring the eager, passionate, energetic and naive young me back. I have learned so much from the organisation and I was glad that I can contribute in a small way by sharing my own experience to the new enthusiastic young generation in the organisation.

Those ppl who joined at the same time with me have all move to the national level and my sweet secret friend has committed himself to be the president of the NZ in the organisation. Those newbies who I used to train or recruit are all actively involving in making the difference to someone's life. I wish I could have stayed in the organisation longer and wish I could have run some of the executive positions in the local committee or even a national level so that I could develop myself much further and have more impact on ppl's life.

However, I wouldn't exchange my precious 2003 with anything. I developed myself in a different spectrum and I am sure I made some differences to the ppl I came to in contact with. There are things in my life I wish I could have done more, but at the same time I wouldn't want to exchange what I had. After all, what makes who I am today is from what I did in my past. Things happened for their reasons and it always works out to be the best.

The sad thing is that those ppl who I used to admire when I was a new member was sitting in the same table as me- as alumni. That tells me how old I am becoming. Sign~~ The party was as wild/dodgy as I ever could remember and I barely had energy to keep up all sort of crazy or exotic dancing. I am getting too old.....:(

It has been a good weekend to get in touch with my past and remember what I used to believe in. In a way, it helps me to see what kinds of life I am looking for and I wish I'll make some life decision based on what I learned this weekend.