Happy Birthday to me!

It was my first time actually organising something for my birthday in a long time!

I didn't like making a big deal of my birthday and organising a party because I used to think that implies asking for presents! However, this year I decided to celebrate with friends because I start seeing it as an opportunity to spend time with ppl who care for me. I always enjoy doing something sweet for ppl who I love, so I guess by allowing ppl who care for me to show their appreciation on my birthday is not only a gift to me, but also to them! I guess what I have been improving the most in the last year is not being so harsh on myself and loving myself more.

My birthday started with few email blessings, the whole section singing happy birthday to me (slightly embarrassing) and a home-made chocolate cake, following by a free lunch, a card, flowers delivered to the reception, jewels, a bookmark, Movie money, a cooked dinner and a card with a lotto ticket. This morning I decided to make an effort and bake chocolate cookies for everyone who came to my birthday outing. I was quite pleased to see everyone having fun at bowling, dinner and movie. It was a quite delicate situation to bring all my friends together, but everyone was really nice to each other and no one seemed to be left out. There were ppl coming and going, but I managed to spend time with everyone :) I also got some candles, a book, a hand-made pencil, a free dinner, and a free hot chocolate :) Oh! And ppl loved my first attempt of those yummy chocolate cookies!!

Thank you guys, for making my birthday so joyful :)

P.S. I also got a chocolate fondue set from the work gang, flowers and an engineer mug on 20/Jan - another celebrating party.

Anthurium

Do you remember that anthurium you carefully watered at my place? I just want you to know that it has been blooming for weeks. I think it's eager to show you its beauty and growth, just like me waiting for your return.

Please hang in there!
Please take care of youself!
Please reach out if it helps.

If you ever have doubt, please remember this
- Things you touch, bloom!

007

007 - Licensed to KILL!!!!! (Not a Grey's Anatomy fan? Well, you should!)

Yes, that's me!!!!

What really kept me up all night in the last 2 days wasn't my solo assessment, but this morning!!! I got my FULL drivers license this morning!! Finally!!! Now I have a license to kill…being a female, Asian driver and that…..:P

However, it didn't come easy, but rather dramatic! After my solo assessment last night (which by the way I passed!!), which was like 10:30pm, I got home and suddenly realised that I had to do some paperwork before my driving test at 9am sharp!! What was worse? My driving test centre was one of few places which I could NOT do my paperwork!! *Panic**Panic* With shock, I found out that the closest place, where I could do my paperwork, opened at 8:30am, so I was preying to get there first thing in the morning in the hope of getting the paperwork done in 10mins before I can drive all the way back to my driving test centre. It was almost like an impossible mission, but I had to try! After all, what other choices did I have?!

I got there just before 8:30am this morning while it was disgustingly puring and found out Tuesday was the only day they opened at 9am!!! Devastated as you may image!! The guy was really generous and was trying to open the centre for me, but the other lady said no! My last hope was calling the 0800 test booking number and explaining my hopeless situation! Surprisingly, the lady was very kind and said it's more important that I didn't miss my test as I can get my paperwork done later! Thus, I raced back to my car, drove as fast as I could to the test centre and was just in time for my test!!! Phew~~After the instructor passed me, I took the bus for free without waiting to the city and got my temporary FULL licence. I went to buy a lotto ticket because I felt so lucky!!

I had never felt so nervous before and I didn't tell any of my colleagues about it beforehand. After all, it has been quite embarrassing enough that an intelligent traffic engineer like me didn't have a full licence! And failing was just unacceptable! I am so relieved and glad it's all over now!

Yay!!! I am almost solo (still waiting for a group assessment)
Yay!! Yay!!! I got my full licence!!!

Best Birthday presents I have ever got for myself :D

Mini golf at office

I went back to work today. Just to slowly (literally!) get used to working again. After all, it's Friday and no one really works on Friday, right? Especially, bosses aren't back yet :P

After work, we played mini golf at office corridor! The rules were simple;

• the game started with each team drinking a glass of champagne to be the handicap!
• 6 holes which were made by all the office obstacles you can think of - newspapers, boxes, cardboard, tables, chairs, and trolley etc. Guess what's the holes? Beer Cans!!
• the losing team had to drink all 6 holes (beers)!

Yes, I know! My work environment seems to be so much fun!! I sometimes worry our gang spend too much time with each other! The rest of the gang have seen each other 8 days out of 12 days during Christmas and New Year holiday! How sad was that! I was "lucky" enough to be in Hamilton and with my visitors, otherwise, I would have been joining in that sad statistics too!

Sick Leave

I was planning to go back to work tomorrow, but I am feeling quite sick. However, who is gonna believe me that after 13 days of X'mas/New Year holiday, I need a sick day?!

Who is gonna make me Honey Lemon Tea this time? Any volunteer?

New Weds

This new year has been quite busy! After I came back from my New Year celebration and picked up travelling 4 months of her, my senior high schoolmate from Taiwan came to visit me with her new wed husband yesterday. So here I was again, driving around and extending my Anita touring package to souvenir shopping, Pak'n Save, sunset beach walking on Browns Bay and Kelly Tarlton's Underwater World. Well, it's more like they took me there, as it was my first time visiting Kelly Tarlton after living in Auckland for 10 years! How embarrassing! :P

I learned a lot about Taiwanese wedding culture from those new weds;

• 提 親 (Mentioning the marriage) - This ceremony is when the guy with his family come to the girl's house and ask her parents for her hand in marriage. It's interesting to know that it happens sometimes even before the guy proposing to the girl now day (The couple normally get nagged by family members about setting up the date to see the girl's parents before the guy propose to the girl.) And apparently, it's better to get married in even age. Therefore, many of my schoolmates were married in a hurry last year! Anyway, during 提 親, it's time basically all parents discuss on the wedding customs, such as 小聘 (little betrothal gift- the money bride family will receive) 大聘 (big betrothal gift - the money that will be presented at the engagement ceremony) 甘蔗掛豬肉 (putting pork at the end of sugar can), 嫁妝 (dowry) etc., which surprisingly are quite different between north and south of Taiwan!
  
• 訂婚 (Engagement Ceremony) - It involves food prepared for the bride side's families, 喜餅 (wedding cakes), 台灣特有的拍婚紗文化 (Professional Wedding Photo done before the wedding. It's quite an unique spectacle in Taiwan) 鑽戒 (rings. I was told that there are two pairs of rings. One from both future mother-in-laws to their future son/daughter-in-law and one pair from the new weds to each other. I was also told that the groom has to "disappear" in the middle of the meal and leaves the bride to say goodbye to the guests. Plus, a millions other stuff you have to do and prepare before/during the ceremony.
• 結婚 (Wedding Ceremony) - It involves food prepared for the groom side's families. Apparently that the bride has to change dress at least 3 times. Plus another a million other stuff that I had given up to memorise by this point!
• 歸 寧 (The first time after get married, the bride goes back to paternal home for a visit) - Yes, Chinese culture is all about eating. This time again food prepared for the bride side's families.

I think I'll just stop right here because above is all I can take in one night. Those formalities are just too much for my little brain!! I reckon that it is made this way to test how willingly the couple really want to get married. If the couple are capable to go through all these, then they must be really in love...(Oh~~) I am sure no one would like to go through it more than once!

One more thing! The groom family pays for most of wedding in Chinese culture, while it's the opposite in western culture. Thus, from an economic point of view, I think my brother should get married in NZ and I should get married in TW :P

Anyway, I am really glad that they chose NZ for their honeymoon and spend a day with me. I wish them all the best for the new life they are starting with each other!

Culture Reflecion

She came back to Auckland after traveling/working around NZ for 4 months. She now knows more about NZ agriculture than I do, such as which areas produce cherries, apples, strawberries, kiwifruits, apricots, grapes, asparagus, lilies and so on, and what seasons they are ripe for picking and how to! (I didn't know farmers use helicopters to dry cherries or spread water to defrost apricots?!)

She shared her experience with me and I really think she learned more than just the spectacular NZ landscape, and different kiwi lifestyles/attitudes. It amazes me to see how much more awareness she's had from her short period of travelling (compared to my 10 years NZ and 1 year Slovakia experiences). She not only gets to know NZ, but also more importantly - herself. We share many realisations but some didn't come to me until recent years. Maybe it's an age thing or maybe I am just not as enlightened as she is. However, ironically I think my 3 months visit in Taiwan last year has the same impact on me as her 4 months in New Zealand!

Culture is a really fascinating topic and we both amaze at how culture shock/conflict acts as a mirror and bring us closely to look at ourselves. We talked about dishwash culture, saving attitude, money value, family/society expectations, individuality, inveterate protocols/restraints, political ideology, fashion, definitions of success/happiness and freedoms etc.

It's very refreshing to revisit those differences again as I have been suffering from my own TW v.s. NZ identity for years and it isn't until this year that I finally feel more settled about who I am. I realise that I would never be able to deny or abandon where I am coming from no matter how long I have lived in a western society. In the past, I have tried holding those traditional protocols/believes blindly and patriotically, but that only led me to a dead end with more suffering. I also have tried turning my back to my culture and found myself still not being able to fit in totally.

It has taken me too long to recognise this in a hard way, but I eventually realised that I have to accept who I am as a whole. I can't just deny one whole culture(/myself) just because I hate part of it(/myself). I have learned to appreciate them as a whole. Instead of seeing my identity as an endless internal conflict, I have been learning to integrate both cultures in a more harmonious way and see it as an opportunity to live the life I want. The traditional part of me is always gonna be there, but I am lucky enough to experience different ways of doing/thinking and I know that I can always have the choice to adopt to different perspectives whenever I want/need as long as they are making me a happier person :)

New Year 2007

Well, there weren't too many exciting stuffs going on, except a very relaxing and pleasant time with friends! Okay, the truth is, I got very addicted to play an online game called World of Warcraft (W.O.W) and I glued myself in front of the computer for 2 days while I was in Hamilton :P Here you go, happy now?

My occupational syndrome has never been so bad after 2 days of gaming!!! However, it was totally worth it because my night elf has reached level 10 and I got an owl as my pet!! How cool is that!!

"Ohhh Not a night elf! Night elf is just a stereotypical male construct!!" She said.

"Maybe that's why I chose night elf! I can't help but wanting to be the centre of attention amount males :P I guess that's why I got drawn to this game - my own fantasy land! Wah~ ha~ ha~ haaaa~!!"

Flea Massacre

I was quite happy to live with those fleas and even feed them from time to time. I guess I was in denial because if I actually went and bought flea bombs, then I had to acknowledge that I had a flea problem, which may imply that my house is not tidy or clean(, which may be true :P).

However, they really crossed the line last night!!

NOT THE FACE!! You stupid-tiny-little-brain FLEAS!!

Chrismas Presents

I must have been a very good girl this year with all the presents I got;

There are chocolate, chairs, hamper, cloth, chocolate, a mug, free entries for leisure centers, chocolate, Christmas dinner made by a chief, a towel with my name on, soaps, chocolate receipt book, and more chocolate!!

" Well, there's no such thing as too much chocolate..." He wrote.

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you

- Mariah Carey, All I Want For Christmas is You

Christmas and TW/NZ Family

After J&J came for lunch with presents, I then went to Z's place for Christmas dinner :)

I was hesitant for days whether or not it's appropriate to go because I knew that Christmas was more a family thing and I didn't want to be intruding. However, I was glad that I went as they were all so lovely and welcoming, and I had fantastic time. It was an honour to be invited and be part of someone else family as always. Seeing them so excited about their presents, enjoying the wine, food, music and each other's company made me feel thrilled to share the true spirit of Christmas with them. It was a pure joy without being homesick because Christmas has never been part of my family things. Thus I have never missed it.

Christmas is celebrated in a rather odd way in Taiwan. I think it's overly extravagant for a society whom doesn't understand the essence of Christmas. It has much more overwhelming/spectacular decorations and *awareness* than here in NZ, but it's very superficial and commercialised. I only get to know the real meaning of Christmas in the last few years and start loving it because ppl who I love celebrate Christmas.

Coming from a very family-orientated background, I used to misunderstand and doubt the bondings within a western family. A traditional Taiwanese family is more like a little society. There are a lot of responsibility and expectations from other family members. You have to play many different roles and consider others, but yourself is always the least significance. There is ONE strong family, but less individuality. Children are expected to live at home until they have to work/study in other place or get married. It looks like we are very close to each other, but I sometimes feel that this kind of closeness may actually cause unnecessary misery and conflicts. However, no one seems to mind too much. After all, thinking of the big picture of the family and endurance are taken as grounded and are considered as virtues.

On the other hand, western society is more about individuality. Children may be expected to move out home once they are 18 or 19, but the love and care they have for their family isn't any less. They still come home frequently and be there for each other whenever and wherever. Maybe it's why westerners feel more comfortable to say love than easterners. It's not because they don't mean it when they say it, but they are able to express it without hesitation. However, in a Chinese family, there are just so many expectations already that saying love is just too heavy and too much.

I am not quite sure how my happy Christmas led to such deep and meaningful thoughts, but meh~

Seasonal Greeting

Here comes the special Anita seasonal greeting -

Happy Christmas and Merry New Year!!

P.S. It's much harder than I thought to say this right. But you know what? Says who that Christmas has to be Merry and new year has to be Happy?!

After Work Day 2

Is it just me or is it really sad that I have been hanging out with my colleagues since we finished working on Friday?

After they left at 2am last night, they came back for more adventure this morning. (P.S. The TV died again.) We went for a bush walk at Waitakere and I enjoyed practising my flax weaving skills and all :) We then feasted our eyes on the Piha beach and played soccer for the entire afternoon.
"You play soccer very well!! Did you use to play?" He asked seriously on our way back to the car.
"Thank you! What a beautiful lie! I think I'll consider believing it!" I grinned joyfully :)

After dinner, they all came back to my place and watched 3 DVDs until 4am and I kicked them all out as I had to work on K'd Rd tomorrow!

I think my buddy may win the Richard Fish Award next year...

Last night, he said to D timidly,
"Is it a she or he?" pointed at D's soft toy?"
After holding it for few mins, he suddenly murmured to himself and said,
"I think it's a He!"

Today, after playing with the neighbour's cat and checking the gender of the cat (Of course!), he asked us,
"How many pair of Wonder bra does she need?"
It was a dead silence when everyone stop whatever they were doing and looked at each other. Then it burst into a laugh when he smiled bashfully and innocently!!

However, nothing above is as awkward as what he asked me after I mentioned that we should all go shopping on Boxing Day. Completely, out of the blue, he said with his normal shy voice,
"So...Anita, how many bra are you buying?"

Last Day at Work

It was the last day of the year at work and everyone was surprisingly busy including me! However, it was a short day as everyone was ready to relax by 3pm with some bubbles. Few of us then went for dinner and then Go Karting to celebrate the end of hardworking year!

It was such a bad idea to try and race with boys, especially I thought I could! Silly me! After few minor crashes, I came to this tight corner and I thought I could overtaken another girl just like the rest of boy gang, then BANG! I hit into the concrete barrier so hard that my right leg didn't like it at all. Despite the injuring, I was still aggressive but slightly conservative due to I can't step on accelerator fully anymore (Not because I have short legs!). Come on, I have to act up to the reputation, right? Female, Asian Driver and all that!

I must have been a good girl this year because Santa dropped another surprise tonight - My old TV works!!! After Go Kart, my colleagues came back to my place and I was gonna show them my late best friend. Thus, I turned on its life-support system and it was magically working perfectly!! How weird and wonderful is that!!! (It should have nothing to do that he kissed the TV, right?)

We then played some board games at my place and some quotes are definitely going to win some of them the X'mas Awards next year for sure!!

"What's the other name for a Wonder Bra?" Girl team asked.
"Humm....I don't know exactly what's a wonder bra, but I know the colour. Does it count??"
"Huh????!!!!"

How he knew the colour when he had NO IDEA what's a wonder bra is still a mystery!!

First X'mas Present

It was a very nice surprise to come home and find a X'mas present sitting on my doormat, especially after a day like today. I am deeply touched by his sweet thought and kind wishes.

Section Christmas Party

I didn't expect Waiheke would be such a nostalgic place for me. The emotion was so overwhelming that I barely sustained myself. Fortunately, ppl were so into their X'mas joyful mood and no one seemed to mind/notice/care my quietness. The vineyard was further into the island, which helped a lot to get over my pathetic sentimentality. I quickly tucked myself into the shimmering valley of beautiful olive groves, grapevines, ambience, unlimited alcohol supply, hot/attractive waitress and croquet.

The weather was perfect and everything seemed to be so much funnier at the time. I remember that everyone was laughing at the most trivial things for the entire afternoon. Must be the alcohol!!

Richard Fish award - Who has been the biggest perve this year? The nomination are:

• J for txting S (a guy) using C's phone "You are so hot without your cloth on!"
• J for txting Anita, "Like the stars in the skies, your eyes lit up the universe. Like the milky way in the universe, you're the most mysterious creature on earth."
• J for asking Anita "What is your hourly charging rate on K'd Rd?"

The work/life balance award - For the person who achieved the impossible.
"The winner is... Anita for all the extracurricular activities she is doing!"
"On K'd Road!!" Someone shouted out!
"No! OFF K'd Road" Someone else corrected it.
"^$%*$^%&..." What can I say, except taking my shot!

P.S. Trust me! It was much funnier at the time.

She Resigned!

I knew it was coming, but it was still a shock when I found out she is leaving!

I am happy for her as I know it's time for her to move on and grab a better opportunity. However, What about the poor little ME?!!

Without her,
who is gonna give me all the techinical guidance?
who is gonna protect me from all the blame?
who is gonna dodge a bullet for me when I am overloaded?
who is gonna share/start all the gossip?
and who is gonna do all the murmur so I don't have to?

She has made my last 8 months so enjoyable at work and it's really sad to see her go. I guess I have to grow up a bit and be more responsible now ;)

I wish I could say something smart;
I wish I could give more comfort;
I wish I could be more helpful,
but I feel really helpless at this moment!

I would give you a hug;
A hug without me saying anything;
A hug that lasts as long as you need!
I would give you all my love,
if only it would ease you with less struggle

I wish there is more time for you
but I hope you seize every moment
To do whatever you need to do;
To say whatever you need to say;
To forgive whoever you need to for giving;
To forget whatever you need to for getting;
To love whoever you need to love.

21st and X'mas in the Park

21st birthday party?! Yes, I know that it seems weird that I still hang out with that age group, but come on! I am not far off from that age group, aren't I? Don't answer that!

I wasn't prepared to see him there as I double checked with the birthday boy about who were gonna be there and his name wasn't mentioned. I noticed myself talking to everyone but saved him for the last. He probably was feeling as awkward as I was, so we managed to avoid each other easily at the beginning. Then, after I was more grounded, we finally had some pleasant chat and everything seemed normal afterward. It was a lovely night to catch up with everyone, esp with him.

I left around 1am and had to get up to do my car service at 8am the next day. I was so tired that I couldn't repeat my cellphone number to the mechanic. I was like,
"021-25.....no I mean 021-2115...Doh!.....Can I just write it down? :$"

After reading my book for 3 hours at McDonald with a coffee and a breakfast, and $500 later, I finally got my car home safely. I then went to the Christmas in the Park to do fundraising for Youthline, so I can get a free feed and a free T-shirt :P I was actually pretty good at selling! I may consider it as my 2nd career :P. As far as I am concerned, the target market were definitely little kids with big family and group of friends with bf/gf!!

The firework was so incredible that totally made up for the rain and the cold. I was jumping and jaw-dropping while I was watching the firework. It was a magical moment that everything around me seemed to blend into the background and it was just me and the fabulous firework. The night ends with a warm friendly goodbye which left me timidly at a loss for words.

"Hey, how has your evening been? Would you like to buy a Santa hat to keep you/your kids/family/partner warms?"

"How about a light stick?"
"Does it keep me warm?"
"Umm....for a while?!"

You and Me

I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through. None of it is your fault! Please stop blaming yourself because nothing justifies what he did! What happen to you should have never happened, my dear child.

I know that everything seems so helpless and hopeless to you and you feel you can't trust anyone anymore. However, there are good ppl out there and I hope one day you will be able to find ppl whom you can trust, love and be loved again. Your amazing strength has impressed and inspired so many others and I deeply believe that one day you will embrace all these and offer so much more to the ppl who around you.

Hang in there, my dearest child. When you are ready in your own time, I'll be sharing that moment of joy with you side by side.